Take 4: Speed Dial

Ah...the last of my "catch up" reviews from 2007. Going to keep this "Telephone Titles" review short and sweet, as there weren't any earth-shattering "Must See" films amongst the group. There are a few cautionary tales, however, so you may want to read on, just to be safe...

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Cellular (2004)

The Basics: An action/thriller, starring Kim Basinger, Chris Evans, William H. Macy and Jason Statham; Rated PG-13 for violence, terror situations, language and (GASP!) sexual references

What's Going On?: A science teacher is kidnapped, but manages to cobble together a simple working phone from her place of confinement. She has to rely on blind luck, however, in actually connecting with someone, and ends up making it through to a young slacker who finds himself caught in the middle of a conspiracy plot in downtown LA.

Curt's Take: Run in Fear - Really...for the sake of all that is holy...do not see this film. Not only do they beat you mercilessly over the head with the fact (and I use that term loosely) that if Chris Evans loses the signal on his cellphone, Kim Basinger is basically screwed...but they really make that plot device central to pretty much every scene in the movie. There aren't really any likeable characters in the film, except perhaps William H. Macy's...but even then it's more out of pity that he ended up in this loser of a movie. Plus, they go to LAX, and it's not even LAX. Pathetic.

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Phone (2002)

The Basics: A horror-laced mystery from South Korea (under the native title Pon); Rated R for violence/disturbing images and some sexual material

What's Going On?: A journalist changes her cellphone number to escape a threatening cyber-stalker, and ends up with a phone number that has belonged a string of people who have all died under mysterious circumstances. Plus, she's now getting "Unlisted" calls that are just damn creepy. What's the history of the phone number, is her life in danger, and is this just a knock-off of The Ring?

Curt's Take: Not a Priority - Considering that I had to go online to help understand the plot (yeah, it was pretty confusing), I wouldn't spend a lot of energy trying to track this film down and watch it. I originally added it to my list thinking it was the Asian predecessor of the American film One Missed Call, but it turns out that it wasn't. I do have to say, though, that the ending was damn creepy and scary...and even though I wasn't sure what had really transpired up to that point, or why the ending was supposed to make sense, it did have me on the edge of my seat.

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The Call of Cthulhu (2005)

The Basics: An independent silent film based on the works of horror author H.P. Lovecraft, meant to hearken back to the early days of stylized black and white horror movies

What's Going On?: A dying professor turns over documents to his nephew that detail the machinations of a mysterious cult, and the history of the men who had been tracking and researching it over the past several decades. The nephew takes on the mantle of investigator and tries to get to the bottom of what is going on...while maintaining his grip on sanity.

Curt's Take: Worth Considering - I'd recommend checking this out not for the story or the high-quality filmmakinig, but rather because it's a valiant attempt to recreate the feel of the era of silent films, right down to the special effect, title/speech cards, and music. Plus, it's only 45 minutes long, so it's not huge time commitment. And if you're a fan of horror literature, you may just get a kick out of seeing H.P. Lovecraft's most famous story translated into a short film.

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The Seven Dials Mystery (1982)

The Basics: A British telefilm based on a mystery written by the great Agatha Christie

What's Going On?: A group of friends are staying at a country manor, and one of them dies in his bed. Later, it's discovered that the death may, in fact, have been murder...and that a mysterious secret society known as the Seven Dials was likely involved. One young woman, along with a couple of her friends, steps in to investigate...bringing herself closer to the center of a dangerous conspiracy.

Curt's Take: Don't Bother - And this one was added because I was looking for another movie with a "telephone"-type word in the title. I love a good mystery...and you can usually count on Agatha Christie to deliver, but this teleplay falls way short of other more dedicated films. It's lengthy, overly-complicated, and I'm still not sure of everything that happened. If you're going to sit through a Christie mystery, check out Death on the Nile or Ten Little Indians instead.

Take 4: Movie Marathon #2

So, I took another stab at making it through four movies in one evening with my buddy Ryan from Michigan State. Warning: Much beer was consumed during the viewing of these films. This film review was undertaken by professional Big Ten alumni...do not attempt this at home. Results may vary.

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Frostbiten (2006)

The Basics: A Swedish horror/comedy, unrated in the United States (it had no theatrical release). So get ready to read those subtitles.

What's Going on Here?: Annika (a doctor) and her daughter, Saga, move to a town in northern Sweden, near the Arctic Circle, where the winter months see one long period of nightfall, lasting about thirty days. Saga soon falls in with a crowd of kids that party down on weekends with recreational drugs. One such drug, scored from the local hospital, proves to be a little more experimental than recreational...or "Sketchy" as opposed to "Fun" (see below)...and starts turning the local teens into bloodthirsty vampires.

Random Trivia: Although released in 2006, the first draft of the script was completed back in 1999.

And I Quote...: Vega: "Can you PLEASE stop throwing garden gnomes at me?!?"

Ryan's Take: Luge (2.5 Snowflakes) - Think John Carpenter's The Thing meets The Exorcist meets Insomnia meets a Taco Bell commercial. In this low-brow vampire flick, moving to a new school means moving to a Nordic country and starting to hang out with the wrong crowd. A few drinks later, a lapdog is challenging the ownership of major characters' souls and "huffing" inhalents doesn't sound like such a good idea after all.

Curt's Take: Worth Considering - I don't know if it was the adult substances that Ryan and I had been consuming, but this is worth seeing just for the talking dog (apparently, vampires can understand the language of canines). Sure, it was campy and a bit out there...but the vampire effects were decent, there were some creepy moments...but some damn funny moments, too. Consider giving this one a shot if you stumble upon it somehow.

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Severance (2006)

The Basics: A comedy/horror/thriller starring a bunch of British folks (and Laura Harris)...but no need for subtitles, unless you're having trouble with the accents; Rated R for strong bloody violence, language, drug content, and some sexuality/nudity.

What's Going on Here?: The sales division of a multi-national weapons manufacturing corporation retreats into the woods of Eastern Europe for a team-building weekend, only to find that somebody is less interested in team-building and more interested in team-decimating.

Random Trivia: The "CRM-114 'Platoon Buster' Land Mine" discussed in the movie is a reference to the CRM-114 radio in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.

And I Quote...: Richard: "I can't spell success without 'u.' And you, and you, and you..." Harris: "There's only one "u" in success."

Ryan's Take: Written Warning (2.5 Safety Scissors) - Who doesn't want to see a bunch of wankers with British accents get sliced up over some HR-related spat? This horror flick with a sense of humor was in the same vein as the fake trailers put together for Grindhouse: "Machete," "Thanksgiving," and "Don't." Super campy and fun enough, this one ended up bogged down more in the administrative detail of carving someone up with a letter opener than some high-concept strategy session that ends with a paper-cutter beheading.

Curt's Take: Not a Priority - In concept, this is a film I'd be all over. Hell, I was thrilled by the previews and immediately added it to my Netflix queue when I saw that it was soon to be released. That having been said, reality fell far short of expectations. It was much more thriller and much less comedy than I would have liked, the characters weren't terribly likeable, and it just seemed to drag on with plenty of gaping holes in the storyline. If someone else had/has a different experience with this one, please let me know...I might actually be willing to give it another shot.

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D.O.A.: Dead or Alive (2006)

The Basics: An action/adventure film, with a low-star cast that includes Jaime Pressley and Eric Roberts; Rated PG-13 for pervasive martial arts and action violence, some sexuality and nudity.

What's Going on Here?: Based on the supposedly popular series of "Dead or Alive" video games, this film is sort of a Mortal Kombat for pretty people. The "DOA" in the title is a sort of international martial arts contest (by invitation only), and the film follows the trials and tribulations of four attractive young women who enter the contest (a sexy jewel thief, a sexy pro-wrestler, a sexy ninja princess and the sexy daughter of the former master of the tournament). But a malevolent force lurks behind the shadows of the tournament...

Random Trivia: Milo Ventimiglia (Peter Petrelli on Heroes) was originally supposed to play the computer geek-ish Weatherby, but dropped out because he didn't like the way the character was developed. He instead appeared in Stay Alive another video game movie.

And I Quote...: Christie: "Look at this. They've been monitoring everything we do." Tina: "Jeez, bunch of pervs..."

Ryan's Take: Tap Out (2 Turnbuckles) - Based on what I'm told is a beach volleyball video game, "DOA" is that one contest where only the most elite mixed-martial artists spar to the point where one falls down. You heard right. No one dies in DOA, making the title a disappointing misnomer. Jamie Pressley wears a bikini and says words, but she also learns important lessons about the meaning of trust, taking a dive, and taunting ad baiting opponents. The big takeaway here is that if you knock someone down in a fight, you should be able to follow your finishing move up with a witty pun before the split-screen introduction of the next match-up.

Curt's Take: Worth Considering - Okay, this is ONLY worth catching if there is beer (or some other controlled substance) involved. And it's a guy flick. Those caveats having been laid out, the fight scenes are damn fun to watch. If you're laying low for an evening, and want a stupid, cheesy flick to kick back with and watch with your buddies, you could do a LOT worse than this...so give it a shot.

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The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down (2006)

The Basics: A comedy starring a bunch of people you probably don't know...and that's okay; Rated R for pervasive drug content, strong sexuality, nudity and language.

What's Going on Here?: Need some tips on how to party and handle the L.A. scene? Look no further than this handy video guide that instructs you on how to master all the aspects of "getting down," including important info on getting ready for a night in the city, how to get past bouncers, how to score free drinks (amongst other things)...and how to recover the morning after.

Random Trivia: Filmed on location at several L.A. hotspots, including Vine Bar, Star Shoes and Beauty Bar.

And I Quote...: Narrator: "Drugs can be divided into two groups: 'Sketchy' and 'Fun.'"

Curt's Take: Buy, Watch, Repeat - I've given this rating out maybe one or two times before...in short, this is beyond a Must See. I can't really top Ryan's review of it, so I'm just going to let him take it from here...

Ryan's Take: Rolling (5 out of 5 Tabs) - Taking an instructional video tone, The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down is an entertaining and informative descent into the inner bowels of the Hollywood party scene. If you don't know what a "guest bindle" is, and the only defense you have against a fiend Dysoning your entire stash is the nipple bump, then you probably don't understand "The Cahuanga Principle" either. This movie would be a cautionary tale, except for the fact that nothing bad seems to happen to anyone.

Some things covered by the guide you may have already known. And I quote: "Ever since Charles Darwin's published his idea of natural selection, we've known that the propagation of the species depends on genetic mutation and through the fertilization of multiple partners. In other words, both girls and boys are hard-wired to get down. That's why sex is fun."

Have not laughed this hard since "Hot Fuzz". Repeat viewing is really the only way to truly make the guide work for you.

Every so often Hollywood makes a charming little thriller to scare its audiences. And every so often, Hollywood decides to give that movie a facelift several decades later. This review is a tale of four such films.

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The Omen (2006)

The Basics: A horror/thriller starring Liev Schreiber, Julia Stiles, Pete Postlethwaite and Mia Farrow (not to mention newcomer Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick as little Damien); Rated R for disturbing violent content, graphic images and some language; Based on the 1976 horror/thriller of the same name, starring Gregory Peck and Lee Remick.

What's Going On Here?: An American ambassador begins to take another look at the strange events that are happening around his adopted son, and he starts to question whether or not the religious omens that are taking place in the world might not have something to do with the young tyke. And the big slobbering black dogs that have mysteriously appeared to protect his kid are a little off-putting, too.

Kind of Cute, Yet Creepy, Trivia: During filming, Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick was never told that his character was supposed to be the Anti-Christ; co-star Julia Stiles has commented that it was because the filmmakers thought "he was too young to understand it, but he was really obedient when John asked him for the Damien face."

Overheard in The Omen: Nanny: [right before she commits suicide] "This is for you, Damien! All of this is for you!"

Curt's Take: Don't Bother - Nice try, I guess. But if you're going to see The Omen, stick with the original. This remake really adds nothing new to what was pretty decent (and a classic) thriller. At times I felt like I was just watching scenes from the 1976 version...only updated with new actors and a slightly different bit of art direction. Some of the dialogue seemed directly taken from the original, as did some of the settings and camera work. The main difference seemed to be an artistic attempt at using the color red at dramatic, noticeable moments. All in all...I was underwhelmed. Stick with the Peck/Remick version...it holds up well after three decades.

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The Manchurian Candidate (2004)

The Basics: A mystery/thriller starring Denzel Washington, Liev Schreiber (again), Meryl Streep and Jon Voight; Rated R for violence and some language; Based on the 1962 mystery/thriller of the same name, starring Frank Sinatra, Angela Lansbury, Janet Leigh and Laurence Harvey.

What's Going On Here?: Okay, this gets a little confusing...years after their platoon is ambushed in Kuwait, various survivors struggle through disturbing nightmares, blackouts and what seems like an acute case of Gulf War Syndrome. Is this just post-traumatic stress disorder? Or did something more nefarious happen out in that desert? Captain Ben Marco struggles to find answers, while Sergeant Raymond Shaw deals with the aftermath of being the "hero" of the ambush, dealing with Marco's conspiracy theories...and running for President of the United States.

Motivation Trivia: Though many assume Meryl Streep to have based her performance upon Hillary Rodham Clinton, Streep has cited Peggy Noonan, Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney as her inspiration for the role of Eleanor Shaw, domineering and politically-savvy mother of Sergeant Shaw.

Overheard in The Manchurian Candidate: Ben Marco: "What about my dreams?" Delp: "What if all this is your dream and you are really still back in Kuwait?"

Curt's Take: Not a Priority - First off, the original 1962 version is one of my favorite films. I highly recommend checking it out. But how does this remake hold up? Well, part of the problem is in calling it a remake. It's really more of a reimaging of the story for the 21st century. If you watch the new version, trying to see how it tracks with the old version...you'll just end up very confused. It's almost a completely new film, just with some common themes carried over. If you're aching for a Liev Schreiber film, definitely watch this over The Omen, but don't kick yourself if you miss this one. Kick yourself if you miss the one that's over forty years old, and yet still tells a hell of a story.

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Willard (2003)

The Basics: A horror/thriller starring Crispin Glover, R. Lee Ermey and Laura Harring; Rated PG-13 for terror/violence, some sexual content and language; Based on the 1971 horror film of the same name, starring Bruce Davison, Elsa Lanchester and Ernest Borgine.

What's Going On Here?: Socially awkward Willard Stiles befriends rats, learns to control them (for the most part), and instructs them to do his bidding when his life starts to spiral out of control. If that doesn't spell "Oscar," I don't know what does.

Continuity Trivia: All of the photos in the house of Willard's father, Martin Stiles, are of actor Bruce Davison, who played the part of Willard in the original 1971 version of the film.

Overheard in Willard: Willard's Mother: "Willard! There are rats in the basement!"

Curt's Take: Worth Considering - Okay, I was a bit surprised. This was actually kind of fun to watch. It wasn't completely serious and wasn't exactly "scary," and I got pretty sucked in from an "Okay, where are they going to take this one" perspective. I never saw the original, to be honest, but I'm guessing you might as well just watch this one. Crispin Glover is just a fun, creepy actor...like a B-List Christopher Walken. So don't automatically turn your nose up at this one...if you're in the mood for a little cheese (no pun intended), you might want to consider giving this one a shot.

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The Amityville Horror (2005)

The Basics: A horror/mystery/thriller starring Ryan Reynolds and Melissa George; Rated R for violence, disturbing images, language, brief sexuality and drug use; Based on the 1979 horror/mystery/thriller of the same name, starring James Brolin and Margot Kidder.

What's Going On Here?: George Lutz, his new wife, and her three children from a prior marriage move into a house in Amityville, a small town on Long Island. Sure, they got a great deal on it...then again, six murders had been committed there not too long ago. Shortly after moving in, the Lutz family begins to hear whispers and see strange figures out of the corner of their eye. The youngest daughter gains an eerie imaginary friend. And George begins acting very peculiar...

Rather Disturbing Trivia: Just before shooting started, the body of a fisherman who had been murdered washed up on the bank of the river right near the main house. Good times.

Overheard in The Amityville Horror: George Lutz: "Houses don't kill people. People kill people."

Curt's Take: Must See - Now this is how to do a remake. Sure, the original version was creepy...but Andrew Douglas, the director, upped the ante on every front and made this remake truly terrifying. The visual effects used to bring the haunting to life are a nice progression to what had been done twenty-five years earlier, and your pulse races even if you've seen the original and know where the story is heading...because you're not 100% sure it's going to end up in the same place.

Take 4: Playing Catch-Up

Note: I'm WAY behind. In fact, the review below was written back in early December...I just never got around to sending it out. Add to that the fact that I've got about three more reviews (about 12 movies) I need to catch up on, and I can already sense this is going to be an uphill battle. But I shall push forward and overcome.

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Typically when I sit down to watch a television series through Netflix, that consists of wading through four or five (sometimes even six) discs of episodes for an entire season. But every so often, a series comes along that manages to contain itself to just a couple discs. In this review, I cover two such series.

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Prime Suspect: Series One (1991)

The Premise: A female police detective in England takes over a murder investigation where not only is the prime suspect extremely hard to prove guilty, but where she is also challenged daily to prove herself within an extremely sexist male police force. Her personal life also becomes a challenge to maintain as she becomes more and more engrossed in bringing the murderer to justice.

Plot Keywords: Murder Investigation; Women; Private Detective; Intimacy; Tense

Familiar Faces: Well-known and extremely talented British actress Helen Mirren, of such hit films as Gosford Park and The Queen plays Detective Chief Inspector Jane Tennison, the heroine of this four-episode series (in Britain, what we call a "season" they refer to as a "series"), as well as the six following series, culminating in 2006's Prime Suspect: The Final Act.

Random Trivia: On the documentary following the second half of Prime Suspect: The Final Act, Helen Mirren notes that Jackie Malton (a UK television script consultant and former senior police officer) and her colleagues gave the first Prime Suspect a standing ovation because they felt it was the first time the police had been accurately portrayed on television.

And I Quote: DCI Jane Tennison: "So what do you think?" DI Frank Burkin: "About what, sir?" DCI Jane Tennison: "My voice suddenly got lower, has it? Maybe my knickers are too tight. Listen, I like to be called Governor or The Boss. I don't like Ma'am - I'm not the bloody Queen. So take your pick." DI Frank Burkin: "Yes Ma'am."

Curt's Take: Not a Priority - On the one hand, it was a pretty good story, and Helen Mirren does a bang-up acting job. But on the other hand, it seemed like a story that could have been told in one or two episodes was stretched out to four...and the ending was a little weak (in my mind), as if they just needed to suddenly end it. If you like police dramas, and want to see how the BBC handles one, check this out. Otherwise, it wasn't overly remarkable enough to go out of your way to see.

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Unscripted: The Complete Series

The Premise: Several struggling actors in Los Angeles travel between casting calls, auditions and acting classes, doing the utmost to live their dream and make it big in Hollywood, with more than their fare share of stumbling blocks making the journey a bumpy one.

Plot Keywords: Acting Lesson; Actor Playing Himself; Acting Coach; Aspiring Actor; Casting

Familiar Faces: Probably nobody you recognize in one of the leading roles (Krista Allen of Baywatch, Bryan Greenberg of One Tree Hill, and Jennifer Hall of Nip/Tuck all play themselves), except for the cameo appearances by such stars as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (when Jennifer is on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith), Keanu Reeves and Shia LeBeouf (when she's on the set of Constantine) in addition to Meryl Streep, John Stamos, Laura San Giacomo, Jon Lovitz and many other guest roles.

Random Trivia: Many of the "on set" scenes that take place are instances in which the main actors actually had roles in movies and television programs (such as when Bryan appears in Life with Bonnie and One Tree Hill). To that end, the series is an interesting mix of on-set reality and fabricated casting moments...with a nice blend of improvisation and real moments.

And I Quote: Goddard: "Acting is an extremely privileged profession. I know how hard it is, but it is nowhere near as difficult as what the ordinary person has to do to get through life."

Curt's Take: Worth Considering - On the one hand, you've got an interesting documentary-style approach to storytelling, in which the "story" actually consists of real people playing themselves...but in partially fictional situations (peppered with moments of "actuality" from the acting industry). The characters are genuine (which isn't surprising, given that they are playing themselves), and the ups and downs of their lives are wonderfully engaging. On the other hand, if you're not interested in the acting business, or what goes on in the entertainment industry, this probably isn't for you. I'd recommend giving it a shot, though...it's just a shame it didn't stick around for more than one season, so these ten episodes will have to last you.