Take 4: Movie Marathon #2
So, I took another stab at making it through four movies in one evening with my buddy Ryan from Michigan State. Warning: Much beer was consumed during the viewing of these films. This film review was undertaken by professional Big Ten alumni...do not attempt this at home. Results may vary.
The Basics: A Swedish horror/comedy, unrated in the United States (it had no theatrical release). So get ready to read those subtitles.
What's Going on Here?: Annika (a doctor) and her daughter, Saga, move to a town in northern Sweden, near the Arctic Circle, where the winter months see one long period of nightfall, lasting about thirty days. Saga soon falls in with a crowd of kids that party down on weekends with recreational drugs. One such drug, scored from the local hospital, proves to be a little more experimental than recreational...or "Sketchy" as opposed to "Fun" (see below)...and starts turning the local teens into bloodthirsty vampires.
Random Trivia: Although released in 2006, the first draft of the script was completed back in 1999.
And I Quote...: Vega: "Can you PLEASE stop throwing garden gnomes at me?!?"
Ryan's Take: Luge (2.5 Snowflakes) - Think John Carpenter's The Thing meets The Exorcist meets Insomnia meets a Taco Bell commercial. In this low-brow vampire flick, moving to a new school means moving to a Nordic country and starting to hang out with the wrong crowd. A few drinks later, a lapdog is challenging the ownership of major characters' souls and "huffing" inhalents doesn't sound like such a good idea after all.
Curt's Take: Worth Considering - I don't know if it was the adult substances that Ryan and I had been consuming, but this is worth seeing just for the talking dog (apparently, vampires can understand the language of canines). Sure, it was campy and a bit out there...but the vampire effects were decent, there were some creepy moments...but some damn funny moments, too. Consider giving this one a shot if you stumble upon it somehow.
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The Basics: A comedy/horror/thriller starring a bunch of British folks (and Laura Harris)...but no need for subtitles, unless you're having trouble with the accents; Rated R for strong bloody violence, language, drug content, and some sexuality/nudity.
What's Going on Here?: The sales division of a multi-national weapons manufacturing corporation retreats into the woods of Eastern Europe for a team-building weekend, only to find that somebody is less interested in team-building and more interested in team-decimating.
Random Trivia: The "CRM-114 'Platoon Buster' Land Mine" discussed in the movie is a reference to the CRM-114 radio in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
And I Quote...: Richard: "I can't spell success without 'u.' And you, and you, and you..." Harris: "There's only one "u" in success."
Ryan's Take: Written Warning (2.5 Safety Scissors) - Who doesn't want to see a bunch of wankers with British accents get sliced up over some HR-related spat? This horror flick with a sense of humor was in the same vein as the fake trailers put together for Grindhouse: "Machete," "Thanksgiving," and "Don't." Super campy and fun enough, this one ended up bogged down more in the administrative detail of carving someone up with a letter opener than some high-concept strategy session that ends with a paper-cutter beheading. 
Curt's Take: Not a Priority - In concept, this is a film I'd be all over. Hell, I was thrilled by the previews and immediately added it to my Netflix queue when I saw that it was soon to be released. That having been said, reality fell far short of expectations. It was much more thriller and much less comedy than I would have liked, the characters weren't terribly likeable, and it just seemed to drag on with plenty of gaping holes in the storyline. If someone else had/has a different experience with this one, please let me know...I might actually be willing to give it another shot.
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The Basics: An action/adventure film, with a low-star cast that includes Jaime Pressley and Eric Roberts; Rated PG-13 for pervasive martial arts and action violence, some sexuality and nudity.
What's Going on Here?: Based on the supposedly popular series of "Dead or Alive" video games, this film is sort of a Mortal Kombat for pretty people. The "DOA" in the title is a sort of international martial arts contest (by invitation only), and the film follows the trials and tribulations of four attractive young women who enter the contest (a sexy jewel thief, a sexy pro-wrestler, a sexy ninja princess and the sexy daughter of the former master of the tournament). But a malevolent force lurks behind the shadows of the tournament...
Random Trivia: Milo Ventimiglia (Peter Petrelli on Heroes) was originally supposed to play the computer geek-ish Weatherby, but dropped out because he didn't like the way the character was developed. He instead appeared in Stay Alive another video game movie.
And I Quote...: Christie: "Look at this. They've been monitoring everything we do." Tina: "Jeez, bunch of pervs..."
Ryan's Take: Tap Out (2 Turnbuckles) - Based on what I'm told is a beach volleyball video game, "DOA" is that one contest where only the most elite mixed-martial artists spar to the point where one
falls down. You heard right. No one dies in DOA, making the title a disappointing misnomer. Jamie Pressley wears a bikini and says words, but she also learns important lessons about the meaning of trust, taking a dive, and taunting ad baiting opponents. The big takeaway here is that if you knock someone down in a fight, you should be able to follow your finishing move up with a witty pun before the split-screen introduction of the next match-up.
Curt's Take: Worth Considering - Okay, this is ONLY worth catching if there is beer (or some other controlled substance) involved. And it's a guy flick. Those caveats having been laid out, the fight scenes are damn fun to watch. If you're laying low for an evening, and want a stupid, cheesy flick to kick back with and watch with your buddies, you could do a LOT worse than this...so give it a shot.
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The Basics: A comedy starring a bunch of people you probably don't know...and that's okay; Rated R for pervasive drug content, strong sexuality, nudity and language.
What's Going on Here?: Need some tips on how to party and handle the L.A. scene? Look no further than this handy video guide that instructs you on how to master all the aspects of "getting down," including important info on getting ready for a night in the city, how to get past bouncers, how to score free drinks (amongst other things)...and how to recover the morning after.
Random Trivia: Filmed on location at several L.A. hotspots, including Vine Bar, Star Shoes and Beauty Bar.
And I Quote...: Narrator: "Drugs can be divided into two groups: 'Sketchy' and 'Fun.'"
Curt's Take: Buy, Watch, Repeat - I've given this rating out maybe one or two times before...in short, this is beyond a Must See. I can't really top Ryan's review of it, so I'm just going to let him take it from here...
Ryan's Take: Rolling (5 out of 5 Tabs) - Taking an instructional video tone, The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down is an entertaining and informative descent into the inner bowels of the Hollywood party scene. If you don't know what a "guest bindle" is, and the only defense you have against a fiend Dysoning your entire stash is the nipple bump, then you probably don't understand "The Cahuanga Principle" either. This movie would be a cautionary tale, except for the fact that nothing bad seems to happen to anyone.
Some things covered by the guide you may have already known. And I quote: "Ever since Charles Darwin's published his idea of natural selection, we've known that the propagation of the species depends on genetic mutation and through the fertilization of multiple partners. In other words, both girls and boys are hard-wired to get down. That's why sex is fun."
Have not laughed this hard since "Hot Fuzz". Repeat viewing is really the only way to truly make the guide work for you.
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Frostbiten (2006)
The Basics: A Swedish horror/comedy, unrated in the United States (it had no theatrical release). So get ready to read those subtitles.
What's Going on Here?: Annika (a doctor) and her daughter, Saga, move to a town in northern Sweden, near the Arctic Circle, where the winter months see one long period of nightfall, lasting about thirty days. Saga soon falls in with a crowd of kids that party down on weekends with recreational drugs. One such drug, scored from the local hospital, proves to be a little more experimental than recreational...or "Sketchy" as opposed to "Fun" (see below)...and starts turning the local teens into bloodthirsty vampires.
Random Trivia: Although released in 2006, the first draft of the script was completed back in 1999.
And I Quote...: Vega: "Can you PLEASE stop throwing garden gnomes at me?!?"
Ryan's Take: Luge (2.5 Snowflakes) - Think John Carpenter's The Thing meets The Exorcist meets Insomnia meets a Taco Bell commercial. In this low-brow vampire flick, moving to a new school means moving to a Nordic country and starting to hang out with the wrong crowd. A few drinks later, a lapdog is challenging the ownership of major characters' souls and "huffing" inhalents doesn't sound like such a good idea after all.Curt's Take: Worth Considering - I don't know if it was the adult substances that Ryan and I had been consuming, but this is worth seeing just for the talking dog (apparently, vampires can understand the language of canines). Sure, it was campy and a bit out there...but the vampire effects were decent, there were some creepy moments...but some damn funny moments, too. Consider giving this one a shot if you stumble upon it somehow.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Severance (2006)
The Basics: A comedy/horror/thriller starring a bunch of British folks (and Laura Harris)...but no need for subtitles, unless you're having trouble with the accents; Rated R for strong bloody violence, language, drug content, and some sexuality/nudity.
What's Going on Here?: The sales division of a multi-national weapons manufacturing corporation retreats into the woods of Eastern Europe for a team-building weekend, only to find that somebody is less interested in team-building and more interested in team-decimating.
Random Trivia: The "CRM-114 'Platoon Buster' Land Mine" discussed in the movie is a reference to the CRM-114 radio in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
And I Quote...: Richard: "I can't spell success without 'u.' And you, and you, and you..." Harris: "There's only one "u" in success."
Ryan's Take: Written Warning (2.5 Safety Scissors) - Who doesn't want to see a bunch of wankers with British accents get sliced up over some HR-related spat? This horror flick with a sense of humor was in the same vein as the fake trailers put together for Grindhouse: "Machete," "Thanksgiving," and "Don't." Super campy and fun enough, this one ended up bogged down more in the administrative detail of carving someone up with a letter opener than some high-concept strategy session that ends with a paper-cutter beheading.
Curt's Take: Not a Priority - In concept, this is a film I'd be all over. Hell, I was thrilled by the previews and immediately added it to my Netflix queue when I saw that it was soon to be released. That having been said, reality fell far short of expectations. It was much more thriller and much less comedy than I would have liked, the characters weren't terribly likeable, and it just seemed to drag on with plenty of gaping holes in the storyline. If someone else had/has a different experience with this one, please let me know...I might actually be willing to give it another shot.
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D.O.A.: Dead or Alive (2006)
The Basics: An action/adventure film, with a low-star cast that includes Jaime Pressley and Eric Roberts; Rated PG-13 for pervasive martial arts and action violence, some sexuality and nudity.
What's Going on Here?: Based on the supposedly popular series of "Dead or Alive" video games, this film is sort of a Mortal Kombat for pretty people. The "DOA" in the title is a sort of international martial arts contest (by invitation only), and the film follows the trials and tribulations of four attractive young women who enter the contest (a sexy jewel thief, a sexy pro-wrestler, a sexy ninja princess and the sexy daughter of the former master of the tournament). But a malevolent force lurks behind the shadows of the tournament...
Random Trivia: Milo Ventimiglia (Peter Petrelli on Heroes) was originally supposed to play the computer geek-ish Weatherby, but dropped out because he didn't like the way the character was developed. He instead appeared in Stay Alive another video game movie.
And I Quote...: Christie: "Look at this. They've been monitoring everything we do." Tina: "Jeez, bunch of pervs..."
Ryan's Take: Tap Out (2 Turnbuckles) - Based on what I'm told is a beach volleyball video game, "DOA" is that one contest where only the most elite mixed-martial artists spar to the point where one
falls down. You heard right. No one dies in DOA, making the title a disappointing misnomer. Jamie Pressley wears a bikini and says words, but she also learns important lessons about the meaning of trust, taking a dive, and taunting ad baiting opponents. The big takeaway here is that if you knock someone down in a fight, you should be able to follow your finishing move up with a witty pun before the split-screen introduction of the next match-up.Curt's Take: Worth Considering - Okay, this is ONLY worth catching if there is beer (or some other controlled substance) involved. And it's a guy flick. Those caveats having been laid out, the fight scenes are damn fun to watch. If you're laying low for an evening, and want a stupid, cheesy flick to kick back with and watch with your buddies, you could do a LOT worse than this...so give it a shot.
------------------------------------------------------------------
The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down (2006)
The Basics: A comedy starring a bunch of people you probably don't know...and that's okay; Rated R for pervasive drug content, strong sexuality, nudity and language.
What's Going on Here?: Need some tips on how to party and handle the L.A. scene? Look no further than this handy video guide that instructs you on how to master all the aspects of "getting down," including important info on getting ready for a night in the city, how to get past bouncers, how to score free drinks (amongst other things)...and how to recover the morning after.
Random Trivia: Filmed on location at several L.A. hotspots, including Vine Bar, Star Shoes and Beauty Bar.
And I Quote...: Narrator: "Drugs can be divided into two groups: 'Sketchy' and 'Fun.'"
Curt's Take: Buy, Watch, Repeat - I've given this rating out maybe one or two times before...in short, this is beyond a Must See. I can't really top Ryan's review of it, so I'm just going to let him take it from here...
Ryan's Take: Rolling (5 out of 5 Tabs) - Taking an instructional video tone, The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down is an entertaining and informative descent into the inner bowels of the Hollywood party scene. If you don't know what a "guest bindle" is, and the only defense you have against a fiend Dysoning your entire stash is the nipple bump, then you probably don't understand "The Cahuanga Principle" either. This movie would be a cautionary tale, except for the fact that nothing bad seems to happen to anyone.Some things covered by the guide you may have already known. And I quote: "Ever since Charles Darwin's published his idea of natural selection, we've known that the propagation of the species depends on genetic mutation and through the fertilization of multiple partners. In other words, both girls and boys are hard-wired to get down. That's why sex is fun."
Have not laughed this hard since "Hot Fuzz". Repeat viewing is really the only way to truly make the guide work for you.
posted by Curt at 12:44 AM
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