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Full moons and coffin-filled castles populate the next edition of Take 4, as we take on various and sundry Creatures of the Night. From feuding gangs of monsters to a couple different incarnations of the baddest vampire of them all, we've got four monster movies that will make you tremble in fear...or in horror at the realization that you just wasted a couple hours of your life on a pretty bad movie.

Take 4: The Eternity that is Red Dwarf

Wow. This one took forever.

First off, the series below took up six DVDs, each about three hours long. Secondly, Netflix accidentally sent me the third DVD in place of the fifth DVD, so more time was wasted there. So my apologies for the delay. Hope the AltMedia Reviews were a decent substitute.

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Red Dwarf: Seasons One through Six (1988-???)

In the Beginning: Dave Lister, third-rank technician and lowest ranking crew member on the mining spaceship Red Dwarf, is put into stasis for the trip back to Earth as punishment for smuggling a cat on board.

The Plot Thickens: While in stasis, the entire crew is killed by a radioactive leak. Three million years later, Lister is awoken, with his only company a lifeform that evolved from his pregnant cat (which was safe in an airlock during the radiation leak), the ship's somewhat intelligent computer, and a holographic image of his former bunkmate and nemesis, Arnold Rimmer. Oh, yeah...this is a comedy, if you couldn't tell, by now.

I Know Them!: Well, this is ironic. The guy who plays Rimmer (Chris Barrie) also plays Lara Croft's manservant, Hillary, in both of the Tomb Raider movies. Wouldn't have recognized him if I wasn't researching this series and the cast on the Internet Movie Database.

Favorite Character: Arnold Rimmer. What a (as the British would call him) prat. If Lister was the bottom-ranking person on Red Dwarf, Rimmer couldn't have been much more than a notch or two above him. While Lister is just lazy and kind of a mess, Rimmer spends all his energy looking for loopholes, shortcuts, and ways to advance himself at the expense of others (although, to be fair, there aren't that many others at this point).

Random Trivia: The sets for Red Dwarf are mainly made out of plastic and balsa wood. This causes problems. In "Inquisitor" there is a lot of running up and down the corridors of Red Dwarf so to make it sound metallic sound supervisor Keith Mayes re-recorded every footstep by walking on a metal grate in time to the actors on screen then added an echo.

Great Quotes: Rimmer: "After intensive investigation, comma, of the markings on the alien pod, comma, it has become clear, comma, to me, comma, that we are dealing, comma, with a species of awesome intellect, colon." Holly: "Good. Perhaps they might be able to give you a hand with your punctuation."

Curt's Take: "Worth Considering," for a single episode, "Not a Priority" for any given entire season, and "Don't Bother" for watching all six seasons in a row, like I did. To be fair, British TV tends to have seasons that only last six episodes, so it wasn't THAT bad. It would have been more interesting, though, if there had been a building of plot of story through the episodes. This is done in some minor instances, but not in any grand, earth-shaking way. No...36 episodes that all just build off the premise of a human, a human-like cat, a hologram and a ship's computer lost in space. Season Three did update the look of things a little: the set began to migrate away from looking something a high school drama club assembled(but not by much), they added an android to the cast, and the ship's computer personality switched from male to female. But it was still very episodic...if that's the word to describe an entire story mostly being contained in a single-episode. For example, in one of the episodes of Season Four, the crew finds a DNA Transmogrifier and the ship android becomes human. At the end of the episode, he's still human, but in the following episode he's back to being an android. So, take if for what it's worth, catch an episode if can, but don't sit through all the seasons.

A ray of hope came through in Season Six, though, and had the crew chasing down the missing Red Dwarf ship using a smaller transport vessel, and Rimmer (the hologram) gained a "hard light" body which enabled him to interact with his surroundings. In addition, there was more of a continuing story, callbacks to previous shows and even a season-ending cliffhanger. So...looks like they did finally learn a bit about how to make the show more engaging.

Side Note: Currently, only the first six seasons are available on DVD, but as of the summer of 2003, eight seasons had been produced. Still, the Internet Movie Database lists the series as not having come to a halt, and production of a Red Dwarf movie is, in fact, wrapping up production this year.

AltMedia Review - In Theaters: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I had been waiting for this movie for almost a year. And I wasn't disappointed. I loved the original (have it on DVD), and I love Tim Burton, so couldn't wait to see what he was going to do with it.

If you've seen the original and read the book by Roald Dahl, you know how the original film deviates from the text. This remake tries to be more true to the book, in my opinion...but then again, it also tried to develop the character of Willy Wonka much more than was done in the novel.

Oh, yeah...the plot. Wacky candy-maker rewards five lucky children with a tour of his factory. Trouble ensues. And Johnny Depp is daaaaamn weird.

Okay, back to my review. Now, while I liked this remake, I found it hard to directly compare to the original. The original was great, in my mind...what we have here is an interesting alternative manner in which the book is brough to life. The original songs from the book are used, as is the original manner in which lovely Veruca Salt is disposed of. But this film focused a lot more on the character of Willy Wonka (and to a lesser extent, Charlie). One of the things I loved about the original was the brattiness of the kids...while I did rather like the newer Mike Teavee, the original Veruca and Violet were better characters.

Overall, check it out. It's a fun film to watch, especially is the original film holds a special place in your heart, as it does for me.

AltMedia Review - Books: Middlesex

I'm having a hard time writing a review for this one. Do I start with the plot, or what I thought of it. Let me just say this: Middlesex (by Jeffrey Eugenides) is not a book I would have normally read. I like mysteries. I like British humorists. Fantasy is up my alley. But if the director of our office in L.A. hadn't recommended this (because it takes place in Michigan and we both spent a lot of time there) and handed me the book, I likely would have never heard of it, let alone read it.

It's the story of a hermaphrodite who, over time, discovers her (and I'm just going to use "her," as she thinks of herself as a her for most of the book) true gender. About 99% of the novel is flashback, with Calliope (the hermaphrodite) acting as narrator as she takes us back in time to her grandparents formative years in Greece, her parents growing up in Detroit, and finally her own youth. We see how the chromsomal mutation insinuates itself in each generation of her family, leading up to her own confused days growing up in Grosse Pointe.

I don't know what it was...but I did quickly become sucked into the characters and the story. From the forbidden love that her grandparents feel for each other to the young classmate she falls in love with...it was a real entrancing story. The best part, I think, was just as the book was coming to and end, I asked myself "Whatever happened with so-and-so?" Sure enough, on the next page, the narrator comments "You're probably wondering what happened to so-and-so." I was a little stunned, but it was pretty amazing...to almost feel like my thoughts had been read by the author.

So...would definitely recommend this. If you are in the habit of reading Pulitzer Prize winning novels, check this out. You won't be able to put it down. If you tend to be stuck in a certain genre or two (as I am), it can't hurt for you to give this a try...it will be a quicker and more entrancing read that you expect.

AltMedia Review - TV: Big Brother 6

Well, the Netflix Gods have not been kind to this mortal. You will recall I'm watching a 6 DVD series from the BBC. Was all set to buckle down and finish it this weekend, only to find that the disc in the Disc 5 shipping sleeve was in fact Disc 3...which I'd already watched. So, time for another AltMedia Review. Or several as the case may be.

Those who know me know that I enjoy my Reality TV. Those who know me well worry about the extent to which I enjoy my Reality TV. That having been said, it's time for my favorite summer cheese-fest: Big Brother.

The Premise: 14 people have to live together in isolation from the rest of the world in a house built on a studio lot in Hollywood. There are cameras everywhere, watching their every move. Each week, someone becomes Head of Household, and must nominate two others for eviction from the house. Everyone else votes...but not before those on the block are given the chance to win the Power of Veto, which would force the Head of Household to nominate someone in their place. This goes on for the entire summer...live...with someone getting evicted each week (it's not pre-taped, like most other Reality TV shows). In the end, the last two people standing must face the people who have already been evicted and who are in charge of deciding who wins the grand prize of $250,000.

Each season (it usually runs just in the summer) has different twists. Two years ago was "The X Factor" on Big Brother 4. In that season, 10 of the 13 people had been former couples who had dated...but were now "ex's." See what they did there? Heh...ahem...and last summer, on Big Brother 5, they had "Project DNA: Do Not Assume." Here, two of the contestants were related (half-siblings) and didn't even know it...they'd never met or anything. Also (and this was quite brilliant), one of the people playing was playing with her twin sister, and swapping places with her in the game every three days. If they could make it to the fourth week in the game with nobody realizing they were two separate people, they were both allowed to enter the house and play together, simultaneously. Needless to say...that was really a great moment to watch, when the twin is brought in...nobody had any idea they had been trading in and out.

This season is the "Summer of Secrets." The big twist in the game is that each person has a person in the house who is their partner...someone they already have a pre-existing relationship with. Thing is...each couple had been told they were the only people in the house playing with a partner. Those sneaky producers. If a couple makes it to the final two, then the first place winner gets $1,000,000 instead of $250,000 (which goes to the second place person). Unfortunately, most of the people have figured out there are some pairings going on...but nobody has really confronted anyone about it.

Other secrets also abound...for example, the Head of Household the first week followed a series of clues that led her to discover a hidden bedroom behind a secret panel. There is also a full gym waiting to be unlocked (watch this week to find out more). And in the hidden bedroom there are three locked safes...but nobody knows what these have to do with anything.

Finally...you can also subscribe to a live video feed of the Big Brother house. As I type this in my bedroom, I'm also listening to the houseguests scheme and plot...watching their every move. Heh, heh...creepy. But very entertaining and you get quickly enmeshed in just watching these folks interact. Like a big hamster cage.

So, the show airs Saturdays, Tuesdays and Thursdays on CBS. The Saturday and Tuesday shows are recaps of events from that week (competitions, etc.), while the Thursday show is held live and features someone getting evicted and a new Head of Household being established. So far, you've only missed one eviction...so get watching!

AltMedia Review - Books: Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell

Because this latest DVD review is going to take so long (six discs!), thought I'd weigh in with another AltMedia Review.

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell is set in the early 19th Century in London, and centers on two magicians who are endeavoring to bring magic back to England. One (Norrell) wishes to horde the knowledge, manage who has access to it, and basically be in charge with how it manifests itself. The other (Strange) tends to take the opposite stance...magic should be taught, and spread more freely. Neither main protagonist was really that likeable, which was kind of a strike against it.

This book was damn long. Like, over 700 pages. The unique writing style (very Dickens-like) was a little at odds with the subject matter, so it came off a little like Great Expectations meets a grown-up Harry Potter.

Overall...well, did I mention it was long? Took a while for me to get through this one. I was drawn into it at first, but then slowly became mired in the fact that there was little plot. Or, rather, a series of little plots. But there was little to no overarching ultimate story that had me drawn in from beginning to end. In summary...wouldn't really recommend this. Spend time reading the Harry Potter series instead, which goes a lot quicker, has likeable characters, and stories/plots that draw you in from beginning to end.

Review Preview

What is it with Curt and the BBC? You'd think after the debacle that was the "A Series of Murders" set of reviews, I'd avoid British exports like so much blood pudding.

But this time I'm turning to comedy, as I watch all six seasons (yes...all six) of a British sci-fi television program. Luckily for me, it seems British TV seasons are comprised of six episodes.