Take 4: Stuff I Wanted to See

Having done themed reviews for close to two years now, I decided that it was high time I just picked four movies I've been wanting to see for a while, and move those to the top of my rental list. My game, my rules. Enjoy.

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The Da Vinci Code (2006)

The Review That Never Happened: "Four Movies Involving Massive Conspiracy Plots"

What's Going On Here?: A Harvard professor of symbology travels to Paris to give a lecture based on a book he just wrote. While there, his plans to meet with the curator of the Louvre Museum for dinner fall through. When the curator is found dead at the museum, the professor becomes the number one suspect. The only things that will help him clear his name are a French cryptologist and an enigmatic riddle left behind by the deceased curator that leads the pair on a chase that revolves around a convoluted conspiracy plot, involving secret societies, the birth of Christianity, and some of the greatest artwork of all time.

Familiar Faces: Tom Hanks (who plays Robert Langdon, the Harvard symbology professor), Ian McKellan (of X-Men and Lord of the Rings fame, who plays Langdon's mentor) and Jean Reno (of The Professional, who plays the police inspector who is trying to bring Langdon in). You may also recognize Audrey Tautou (of Amelie) who plays Sophie Neveu, the codebreaker assisting Langdon on his hunt. Finally, there's Paul Bettany, who plays Silas...the albino monk who is also chasing down Langdon. You might recognize him from several other films, including Wimbeldon and A Knight's Tale.

Random Trivia: To protect both the fabric of the building and the works of art it contains, the production's use of the Louvre Museum in Paris was carefully controlled. For instance, no equipment was allowed inside the Louvre during the opening hours, so filming took place at night. Since the crew were not permitted to shine light on the Mona Lisa, a replica was used to film instead. No blood or mysterious writings were permitted on the wooden floor of the museum so these scenes were shot at Pinewood Studios outside London. In the end, five replicas of the Mona Lisa were used.

And I Quote: Sophie: "It's a cryptex. Da Vinci's design. Sauniere made me one for my birthday once." Langdon: "My grandfather got me a wagon."

IMDB's Top Plot Search Terms: Riddle; Hangar; Christianity; Underwater Scene; Catholic Church

Curt's Take: Worth Considering - Not only had I recently read this book, but I'd also played the Playstation game of the same name (which explored locations only briefly touched upon in the book, and presented a lot in the way of new cryptograms and other puzzles and riddles to be solved). So, I moved from having the story completely play out in my mind, to seeing a version through my Playstation, that I was free to explore and control to some extent, to seeing another person's interpretation of the book. This progression leading up to the movie helped turn me on to it, I think. Apart from that, it's a clever and engaging story, with an intellectual as the hero, and brains and wit being used as weaponry rather than blades and bullets. You've got some decent starpower, too. Is there anything not to like? Well, as entertaining as the movie was, the book was still much better. If you have to choose one or the other...go with the book. It's a pretty quick read. The movie, for some reason, took liberties with certain elements of the novel, and made changes that didn't really need to be made. Also, it's a bit of a light role for Tom Hanks...and there were a few times when (surprisingly) his acting turned to be a little bit cheesy. It may have been the script, I'm not completely sure. But in the end, I think the pros outweigh the cons.

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White Noise (2005)

The Review That Never Happened: "Four Movies about Contacting the Dead"

What's Going On Here?: Jonathan Rivers, an architect, learns that his deceased wife may be trying to contact him from beyond the grave through EVP: Electronic Voice Phenomena. This method of capturing paranormal evidence involves finding audio and video embedded in the "white noise" of tape recorders and camcorders that have been left running (either audio-taping silence or video-taping images of static). The evidence quickly becomes more startling, and Rivers begins to think that the voices and images are directing him to find something out...but what?

Familiar Faces: Michael Keaton (who has been in too many things to list, but who I first remember seeing in Mr. Mom) plays Jonathan Rivers. Helping him out is Deborah Kara Unger (in the role of Sarah), who has also been in The Hurricane, The Game, Payback and Crash.

Random Trivia: Ah...sequels. In researching this review, I discovered that White Noise 2: The Light was released in January of 2007. Sadly, it's not available for Netflix...yet. It stars Nathan Fillion, currently on TV's Drive, and formerly on TV's Firefly and the film Serenity (as well as the movie Slither, reviewed below). I actually really enjoy him as an actor...moreso than Michael Keaton, so I'm kind of looking forward to catching it.

And I Quote: Mirabelle: "Listen to me. It is one thing to contact the dead, it is another thing to meddle...and you are meddling."

IMDB's Top Plot Search Terms: Young Boy; Loss of White; Able to Hear the Dead; Death; Ghost

Curt's Take: Not a Priorty - There are some genuinely scary moments in here...both startling moments, where you leap a little bit in your seat, and tense moments, where your eyes are just glued to the screen, holding your breath as the action unfolds. It's got some decent special effects, too. So if that's your thing, great. I was also afraid the acting might be a little sub-standard, but Keaton and company actually did a pretty good job on that front. I do have to admit, however, that I ended up a little lost by the story at the end. Things weren't really cleared up for me, and that didn't really leave me all that happy with the film. The movie only had me engaged during the "scarier" parts, and not really caught up in the overall story as much as I would have liked. And those things, unfortunately, kept me from enjoying this as much as I would have preferred.

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The Prestige (2006)

The Review That Never Happened: "Four Movies About Dueling Magicians"

What's Going On Here?: After a tragic accident, two former magicians and colleagues become engaged in a bitter feud, on and off the stages of turn-of-the-century London.

Familiar Faces: There are a TON of people you'll recognize in here. Well, a ton you should recognize, and a few people I was surprised to see. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman play the two magicians, Alfred and Robert. You've also got, in various supporting roles, Michael Caine, Scarlett Johansson, Piper Perabo, Ricky Jay and David Bowie. Ricky Jay, for those of you not in the know, is an expert in magician's circles at sleight of hand, and was brought in to teach a thing or two to Bale and Jackman.

Random Trivia: The main characters' initials spell ABRA (Alfred Borden/Robert Angier), as in Abracadabra, a common word used by magicians.

And I Quote: Cutter: "Every great magic trick consists of three acts. The first act is called 'The Pledge'; the magician shows you something ordinary, but of course... it probably isn't. The second act is called 'The Turn'; the magician makes his ordinary something do something extraordinary. Now if you're looking for the secret... you won't find it, that's why there's a third act called, 'The Prestige'; this is the part with the twists and turns, where lives hang in the balance, and you see something shocking you've never seen before."

IMDB's Top Plot Search Terms: Murder; Magician; Death; London, England; Severed Finger

Curt's Take: Must See - I don't know what to say, other than that this film is a roller coaster ride. There are so many twists and turns...and almost each one takes you by surprise. It's just over two hours, but you get so sucked into thinking about what might happen next, that the time just flies past. I feel hesitant to not say more, but it does what it needs to do, and it does it well. It's just an entertaining couple hours. There's really not much to hate here. The story takes place in three different time periods, and jumps back and forth between them, so there was the potential for things to get confusing. It's so well written and shot, though, that it's easy enough to keep things straight. So, no real reasons to avoid this...it's got action, drama, suspense. I suppose if you only like comedies or chick flicks, then you might want to pass on this one. Oh, it is a bit graphic at a couple points...so be prepared.

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Slither (2006)

The Review That Never Happened: "Four Movies Involving a OH MY GOD THEY'RE EATING MY BRAIN STOP THEM!!!"

What's Going On Here?: A strange meteorite crashes to Earth in a backwater community, carrying a strange leech/slug-like intelligence that is dead-set on taking over...THE WORLD!!!

Familiar Faces: Apart from Nathan Fillion, who fans will recognize from Firefly and Serenity, there aren't that many recognizable folks in this. I did recognize Gregg Henry, who currently stars as Eddie Izzard's boss on TV's The Riches. Jenna Fischer, who plays Pam on TV's The Office, does have a brief role, but nothing major...more of a cameo, really, given that she is the wife of the director, James Gunn.

Random Trivia: There is a mention of neighbors named "the Castevets." The Castevets were Rosemary's neighbors in Rosemary's Baby. This is just one of many references to classic horror films that are peppered throughout the movie.

And I Quote: Jack: "It's obvious the bastard's got lyme disease!" Bill: "What?" Jack: "Lyme disease. You touch some deer feces, and then you... eat a sandwich without washin' your hands. You got your lyme disease!" Bill: "And that makes you look like a squid?"

IMDB's Top Plot Search Terms: Family Dinner; Shot in the Foot; Community; Country Singer; Stabbed in the Chest

Curt's Take: Not a Priority - Well, for an "alien bodysnatchers" type of movie, it was pretty lighthearted. I always appreciate snappy one-liners, and I think that Fillion does a good job of delivering them. So, on the one hand, it's a fun send-off of classic B-Movies. It also delivers a few good scares, so that's a bonus. Also, it's actually got some of the most inventive and appropriate uses of the F-bomb (and other assorted swearing) I've seen in a while, so it had that going for it. It is, though, pretty disgusting. Lots of slime, exploding entrails, penetrating alien tentacles, etc. I found myself cringing at several points. And overall, the different scenes of the movie didn't really hang well together for me. There were parts I found amusing, sure, but overall, the whole seemed less than the sum of its parts. It's a fun ride that could pass the time some evening, but I can't in good conscience say that you couldn't find something more engaging and entertaining out there.

Take 4 TV: Two from the BBC

I often use Netflix to catch up or introduce myself to all sorts of television shows, so this time around I decided to check out two series from the BBC. I had my hopes up when they arrived in the mail, but neither really ended up being quite what I expected. To that end, the reviews this week are a little shorter than usual, because...well...I really didn't have that much to say about them.

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Cambridge Spies (2003)

The Premise: Four schoolmates graduating from Cambridge in the pre-World War II era find themselves facing a Europe that is slowly being engulfed by Fascism. Unconvinced that Britain's governmental policies will help combat this growth of Fascism, the foursome decide to embrace Communism as a political weapon, becoming agents of Stalin and Moscow. Once Hitler is defeated in WWII, however, they find themselves still serving and believing in the tenets of communism, and act as double-agents within Britain's governmental corridors.

And I Quote: Donald: "Hello." Woman: "Hi...You're American." Donald: "Does it show?" Woman: "You say 'Hello' with a 'U' where the 'E' oughta be." Donald: "Well, you're American." Woman: "You noticed." Donald: "You say 'Hello' with an 'I' where the 'E' and the 'L' and the 'L' and the 'O' ought to be...I hate America." Woman: "Are you gonna tell me why?" Donald: "For the way you treat workers, the way you treat black people, the way you appropriate, mispronounce, and generally mutilate perfectly good English words. Cigarette?"

Curt's Take: Worth Considering - I don't remember putting this in my Netflix queue, and for some reason thought it was a comedic series on the BBC, when in fact it was a four-part mini-series, based on true events. I found myself getting sucked into it, though, trying to figure out how far the group's faith in Communism could be stretched. Spanning four hours, the four episodes cover a span of close to twenty years, so you get to see their beliefs tested across time in many different circumstances. And if you're not that familiar with this era in history, or in Fascism and Communism, this mini-series provides a good primer. If you stumble across it on TV or at the store, the two discs are a bit of a time investment, but are definitely engaging and intriguing.

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Monarch of the Glen (2000)

The Premise: Archie, a young restauranteur in London, catches word that his father (the Laird of the area) has fallen ill back in Scotland. Leaving the grand opening of his new restaurant, he travels back home in order to find that not only is his father well (Archie's mom over-reacted a bit), but that the castle and property are in dire financial straights...and that the title of Laird has been passed on to him. Against his better judgment, he stays in Scotland to help restore his family name and castle to their former state of dignity.

Curt's Take: Don't Bother - Why the short review? I couldn't get through all eight episodes of Season One. Each is about fifty minutes long, and my mind started to seriously wander after making it through the first of the two discs. The show was reminiscent of Northern Exposure, where a city-living doctor finds himself adjusting to life in the wilderness of an Alaskan town. Kind of a "fish out of water" story, but still pretty weak. I almost didn't write this review, because I'm not sure how you might run across this series, but if you do (it did continue for seven seasons or so), I wouldn't bother giving it a second glance. It wasn't that funny, the characters weren't that engaging, and the storyline wasn't that interesting.

Take 4: Return of Attack of the Sequels

Several months back, I did a review on lesser-known movie sequels that probably never should have seen the light of day. While the movies were hardly top-notch, it still can be pretty amusing watching some deluded soul try to breathe life into a movie franchise that would best be left alone. Now, having already covered some pretty bad "Part Two's," I decided to throw caution to the wind and look at some potentially terrible "Part Three's." Sorry...just couldn't help myself.

Recommended Reading: Take 4 - Attack of the Sequels

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Major League: Back to the Minors (1998)

Double Flashback: Back in the first Major League, the owner of the Cleveland Indians pieced together a horrible team of misfit ballplayers, with the hope that they'd have a terrible season and that season attendance would drop below 800,000...which is the only escape clause that would let her move the team to a warmer climate (she hates Cleveland). The players find out about the scheme...and start winning, just to spite her and her plans. In the sequel, Major League II, the Indians now have their eyes on the World Series. They came close the previous year, losing to the Chicago White Sox in the American League championship series, and soon find themselves back in the same position...on the road to the World Series, with only the White Sox in their way.

Third Time's a Charm: Now, we're no longer focusing on the Indians...we're with a Minor League team, the Salt Lake City Buzz. And you've got the same basic line-up of misfit players, this time including twin brothers Juan and Juan, former ballet dance Lance, and "Doc," who throws the slowest fastball in professional baseball. Gus Cantrell, a minor league pitcher close to retiring, is brought in by the owner of the Buzz, Roger Dorn (who was in the first two Major League films) to manage the team. Dorn also owns the Minnesota Twins, and Cantrell soon gets into it with the Twins manager, Leonard Huff, which leads to gauntlets being thrown and the two teams clashing in a major league/minor league battle on the baseball diamond...with reputations and jobs on the line.

Familiar Faces: Cantrell is played by Scott Bakula, of Quantum Leap fame. You've also got folks from the previous Major League films, including Corbin Bernsen (who plays the aforementioned Dorn) and Dennis Haysbert (David Palmer from 24), who plays Pedro Cerrano, the voodoo practitioner turned Buddhist. Finally you'll recognize Bob Uecker (as Harry Doyle, the sports announcer) and Ted McGinley (who has caused many a television show to "jump the shark").

And I Quote: Hog Ellis: "Hold it right there! This here is a hundred mile hour fast ball. One of the best pitches known to man today. If it were to hit you, it would've knocked your head clean off. I can always miss, but I've been playing pretty good today, so you gotta ask yourself one question." Carlos Liston: "Do I feel lucky?" Hog Ellis: "Well, do you Carlos?"

Random Trivia: In Roger Dorn's Minnesota Twins owner suite, a number 4 Lou Collins jersey hangs in a case, a reference to Timothy Busfield's character in Little Big League.

Curt's Take: Not a Priority - Well, it wasn't so bad that you should avoid it, but it wasn't so great that you should actively seek it out. There's almost certainly something else you should be watching. It's basically your standard "Group of Misfits Gets Their Act Together" story, and the original Bad News Bears was much more entertaining. You can pretty much stop after you see the first Major League, but if nothing else is on TV, and you stumble across this (and it's raining outside), I guess it's permissable to not immediately flip the channel.

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Dracula III: Legacy (2005)

Double Flashback: In Dracula 2000, the first film of this trilogy, a group of art thieves break into a subterranean chamber expecting to find some valuable antiquities, but instead find Dracula's body, held in a sort of stasis, and unleash him back upon the world. At the end, his true origins are revealed, and he is killed. In the sequel, Dracula II: The Ascension, which I reviewed quite a ways back, a researcher and his assistants steal Dracula's corpse for medical research. The corpse gets a little blood on it, Dracula comes back to life, and the cast is cut down, one by one. Also, a long-haired Asian priest appears on the scene to stop Dracula...but not really sure where he came from. The film ends suddenly with Dracula escaping, having just bitten the priest and leaving him for dead. Or undead...whatever.

Third Time's a Charm: Picking up almost exactly from where Dracula II leaves off, the priest (now partially a vampire, a la Blade) and one of the surviving research assistants head to Romania to track down Dracula...and one of the lovely female research assistants Dracula bit in the last movie. They are joined by a British television journalist, who was there covering the Romanian rebel uprising for her network. The trio get deeper and deeper into the mountains and myths of Romania, steadily nearing Dracula's hideout and a pretty bland ending.

Familiar Faces: Jason Scott Lee (who plays the priest, Father Uffizi), also played Mowgli in the live-action adaptation of The Jungle Book, as well as Bruce Lee in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story. Luke, his research assistant buddy, is played by Jason London (twin brother of Jeremy London), who was in Dazed and Confused. Two bigger names, however, include Roy "We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat" Scheider (who appears for a good 90 seconds on-screen as Uffizi's blind priest mentor, Cardinal Siqueros) and Rutger "I'm Rutger Hauer" Hauer, who plays Dracula.

And I Quote: Luke: "Uffizi." Father Uffizi: "What?" Luke: "You don't really look like an Uffizi. How did you get a name like that anyway?" Father Uffizi: "Came with the job." Luke: "So, like, if I get the same job, I get a cool name like that?"

Random Trivia: Dracula II and this movie were shot together as one movie. It was the director's and producers' intention to split the film into two during the shooting. Finding this out made a lot of sense to me, as I felt that Dracula II ended rather strangely and abruptly. However, Dracula is played by three different actors over the course of the trilogy (Gerard Butler, of 300 fame; Stephen Billington; and Rutger Hauer), so that part still confuses me.

Curt's Take: Don't Bother - So, it was a step up from Dracula II...which isn't saying much. The first half hour was pretty boring, the second half hour was a halfway decent action flick, and the last half hour was rushed and didn't make sense. When you've got a different actor playing the same character across three films of a trilogy, that's a huge red flag that something's wrong. The Romanian landscape is nice to look at, though, and there's a fun little fight scene with a vampire clown on stilts (don't ask), but other than that, there's plenty of great flicks out there you should catch instead.

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The Skulls III (2003)

Double Flashback: In The Skulls, a rough-around-the-edges student from the wrong side of the tracks works his way into an Ivy League school, and vies for a spot in its prestigious secret society, The Skulls. He hopes the influential group will help him gain entrance into Harvard Law School. He uncovers some sinister deeds, however, and when his best friend (a journalism student) apparently commits suicide, our hero vows to uncover the secrets of this society before they get away with further misdeeds. Not too long after, in The Skulls II, two more down-and-out students are on the path to being inducted into The Skulls, when they witness a murder on Skulls property...with a Skulls member performing the heinous deed. The power of the society kicks in, and the murder is covered up, but the new inductees strive to bring the truth to light.

Third Time's a Charm: Not to be disbanded simply because of the acts of a few bad apples, The Skulls face another year of recruiting in The Skulls III. This time, young Taylor Brooks takes issue with the fact that her boyfriend is trying to get into The Skulls, and that women are not permitted to try. She looks through the campus by-laws, and finds a loophole that states that The Skulls, whose house is located on university property, must allow women access to their society. She becomes inducted...but another murder rears its ugly head, and she is the main suspect. Will Taylor be able to clear her name and uncover the true culprit?

Familiar Faces: The only person I recognized was Barry Bostwick, who has had major and minor movie, television, and stage appearances for decades, including Spin City, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and the original stage production of Grease, where he played the first Danny Zuko.

And I Quote: Roger Lloyd: "Stand up. Shed the last symbols of your old life. Remove your clothes." Nathan Lloyd: "Stand up! Hesitate and you'll never see this place again." Taylor Brooks: "All right, boys. You heard the man. No time to be shy."

Random Trivia: The end of the movie is all about the search for the computer that supposedly has the IP address from which a fake email has been sent. Exciting, no? But no computer in the world has its own IP address. It just gets it from the network connection it has at the time. A laptop connects to the Internet at home and gets an IP address, but if the same computer connects at the campus the IP will be another one. Besides, most networks uses dynamic IP's, making the error even bigger.

Curt's Take: Not a Priority - It was a little slow at first, but I found myself actually interested in what the wrap-up of the story would be...even though I predicted it an hour before the closing credits. I guess the point of the trilogy is that "absolute power corrupts absolutely," or that "secret societies don't kill people, secret society members kill people" or something like that. I mean, do they make movies about the perfectly well-adjusted secret society members who go through life, doing good, and spreading sunshine and happiness? Of course not. But I found myself asking why the heck The Skulls were still allowed to be in existance throughout this trilogy, and that's the only answer I could come up with.

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I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

Note: I'm not making this one up. Just had to say it.

Double Flashback: In the original I Know What You Did Last Summer, four teens celebrating their high school graduation accidentally run down a stranger on a seaside road. They throw his body in the water, but are then haunted a year later by mysterious threats...and a rising body count, thanks to a mysterious hook-wielding figure dressed in a fisherman's slicker. The sequel, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (I really love these titles), sees the surviving teens and their friends heading to a tropical island resort after one of them wins a radio contest. Things go terribly wrong when a storm hits the island, people start disappearing left and right...and mysterious threats to start to appear all over again. Oh...and the fisherman appears, too.

Third Time's a Charm: In the third installment of the series, a completely different group of teens is in trouble. The "revenge-seeking fisherman" from the first two films has become an urban legend of sorts, and stories abound of the mysterious figure who turns up to slay teenagers who carry deep, dark secrets. A group of friends plots a Fourth of July prank in which one of them dresses up as the fisherman of lore, chasing people around the local holiday festivities. The joke turns deadly, however, when one their peer group accidentally dies during the hijinks. They cover up their involvement...and the folks who are in-the-know start to die off one by one a year later at the hands of a mysterious rain-slicked figure with a hook.

Familiar Faces: Um...nobody. Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze Jr, who appear in both of the first two installments are absent in this complete departure from the series.

And I Quote: Amber: "Zoe, did you tell anyone?" Zoe: "Yeah, I wrote a song about it."

Random Trivia: The movie was announced in 2000, and was originally meant to star Jennifer Love Hewitt, Brandy and Freddie Prinze Jr. again. However, the movie was left alone for a while and the original script, which involved Jennifer, Brandy and Freddie, was scrapped and a whole new script was written. Despite the script being scrapped, Hewitt was rumored to have a cameo appearance in the new movie, but never made it.

Curt's Take: Run in Fear - No, not because it's scary. Because it's terrible. This will come as a surprise to those of you who know me as one of the butts in the seats of the theater during the opening night of any horror movie that is released. But this movie lost me in the last fifteen minutes by breaking what I felt was a sacred contract between the film and the viewer. One of the reasons I enjoy movies like this (the Scream series is a particularly good example) is that I love the mystery aspect...trying to figure out who the killer is up until the moment he/she is revealed. And this one had me going for quite a bit...my suspects were dying off one-by-one until I had no clue. And then it's revealed...the killer isn't even human, it's the spirit/demonic embodiment of the urban legend, come to life. And he has to be killed by a hook. Note the lack of a spoiler alert...I'm doing this for your own good. Suddenly we're in Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street territory, and I'm not a happy camper. So, I just suffered through the last fifteen minutes, took the DVD out, and shipped it back to Netflix. Argh. Avoid this at all costs.