Take 4: Creatures of the Night
I finish this review from the lobby of the Fairmont Hotel in Chicago at the 2005 Account Planning Conference. Was surprised that I enjoyed these movies as much as I did...apart from giving out my first ever "Run in Fear" rating. For those of you who don't really care for horror movies...I'm afraid (no pun intended) there are quite few coming up in the ol' queue.
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Underworld (2003)
In the Beginning: In the midst of a war (calling it a feud would be an understatement) between vampires and werewolves, a female vampire discovers that the werewolves are hunting down a human (for something other than food) and sets out to find out what's up.
The Plot Thickens: Celine, the female vampire, sets out to help the human (Michael), only to became romantically attached to him. And, in typical Romeo and Juliet fashion, he shortly thereafter becomes bitten by a werewolf.
I Know Them!: Kate Beckinsale (Celine) is a name I recognized, but couldn't place what movies I'd seen seen her in. Turns out she was in Van Helsing. Also, Scott Speedman played Michael, and he was also one of the two male leads in TV's Felicity.
Favorite Character: While I pretty much enjoyed this movie, it wasn't because of any compelling characters. The vampires were all kind of portrayed with the same gothic seriousness and intensity that was indistinguishable from one to the next, while the werewolves were all pretty much pushed by frustrated bloodlust.
Random Trivia: The name of the city where the film took place is never mentioned. However, Michael's address can be can see on Selene's computer when she tries to track him down, and it shows that the city is actually Budapest, Hungary.
Great Quotes: Selene: "Lycans are allergic to silver. We have to get the bullets out quickly, or they end up dying on us during questioning." Michael: "What happens to them afterward?" Selene: "We put the bullets back in."
Curt's Take: "Worth Considering" - The first fifteen minutes or so were a confusing mix of action and no dialogue, which made it difficult to puzzle out who was who and what was going on, but I actually (to my surprise) kept up. The story was okay, so not sure what actually keeps this one from just sliding into the obscurity of the "Not a Priority" rating. It might have been the action scenes, which were well choreographed, combined with the art design, in a world that is largely black, white and gray, with intense moments of red (usually either blood or velvet) and blue (usually the eyes of the beasts). On a side note, did find it amusing that in the opening scenes there was some product placement by Bacardi, with their blood-red bat symbol displayed prominently in the subway station. 
Blade: Trinity (2004)
In the Beginning: A flock of vampires awakens Dracula, and then immediately entraps Blade into killing a human. He is caught by the police and confined for questioning.
The Plot Thickens: A gaggle (okay, I'll stop) of vampires attempts to take custody of Blade, just as a splinter group of vampire hunter (the "Nightstalkers") thwarts their plans with a jailbreak. Blade joins the Nightstalkers in trying to hunt down Dracula and end the vampire menace.
I Know Them!: A lot of folks in this one: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson and Ryan Reynolds (Van Wilder, TV's Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place) were the ones I knew coming into this one. I knew the name "Jessica Biel," but couldn't tell you (before) what else she'd been in. Was very surprised to see, however, Dominic Purcell, from TV's underrated John Doe (although he is probably one of the least Dracular Dracula's I've ever seen). And also, Parker Posey, who has been in Best in Show and Scream 3.
Favorite Character: While Ryan Reynolds in a favorite, he didn't rise to the top in this one. Maybe it's just that I love Parker Posey, but her portrayal of Danica Talos was great. Part stuck-up socialite and part raving lunatic vampire, she was the perfect foil to Reynolds.
Random Trivia: One of the television commercials for the film was recalled after one day of airing because it accidentally credited Jessica Biel as Jessica Alba. Also, Ryan Reynolds gained 25 pounds of muscle for his role as Hannibal King.
Great Quotes: Hannibal King: "We call ourselves the Nightstalkers." Blade: "Sounds like a reject from a Saturday morning cartoon." Hannibal King: "Well, we were going to go with the Care Bears, but that was taken."; Danica Talos: "Tell us about Blade, King. What's this weapon he's planning?" Hannibal King: "I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. And two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly."
Curt's Take: "Worth Considering" - I enjoyed the first one, but was really disappointed by Blade 2 (the entire movie seemed like it took place in shadows and I couldn't see much of anything). This one was very entertaining and engaging, and had enough variety in character, tone, and action that it held my interest. The effects were pretty good, and the fight scenes were just interesting to watch. If you're looking for consistent tone, though...this might have too many one-liners for you. 
Dracula 2: The Ascension (2003)
The Creatures in Question: Vampires. Well, vampire. Singular for the most part, except a few special cases who don't last long. Newbs.
In the Beginning: Medical students working a morgue (is that even likely?) are brought a mysterious corpse (the freshly killed Dracula from the movie before this, Dracula 2000) and steal it so they can analyze it scientifically, without being harrassed by government agencies who seek to "cover up the truth."
The Plot Thickens: The vampire comes back to un-life, causes a little mayhem, and while it eventually frees itself, it never actually leaves the confines of the drained indoor pool that it was being held captive in. And it never even really reveals itself as Dracula, come to think of it...
I Know Them!: Well, Roy "We're Gonna Have to Get a Bigger Boat" Scheider makes a cameo as the cardinal who advises the vampire hunting priest (who has a pretty small role in the film). Other than that, thought I recognized Jeremy London, but turns out it was his twin brother Jason. Oops.
Favorite Character: Jason London was kind of amusing. Within three seconds of the corpse hitting the slab, he figured it was a vampire because it had been 1) burned alive, 2) while hung by the neck, 3) from a cross, 4) at dawn. He also later taps into the (as it turns out, true) tales of vampires being compulsive counters...that is, if they come across a scattering of seeds on the ground, they will need to stop and count each seed before they can continue on. Well, turns out Drac can pretty much count well into the hundreds of thousands instantaeously. Oops.
Random Trivia: This was a sequel to Dracula 2000, which I'd also seen. I thought the first one was actually kind of original because they explored the origin of Dracula. Turns out Dracula was actually (are you ready for this?) Judas Iscariot, from the Bible. When he betrayed Christ, God cursed him, and Judas hung himself...but that wasn't the end of him. But it did explain his hatred of all things holy, his aversion to silver (the bribe Judas was given), etc. Anyway, was a neat take on a well-known legend. Didn't do much with it in this one, though. Oops.
Great Quotes: Tanya (after having helped steal a corpse from a morgue, as well as 350 pints of blood): "To think I was acing 'Ethical Problems in Modern Medicine' this semester."
Curt's Take: The movie slowly sank from "Not a Priority," to "Don't Bother." The last minute of the film, though, was the final nail in the coffin (see what I did there...it's a vampire movie...and vampires live in...um...yeah). So, it gets my first official "Run in Fear" rating. Seriously...the last scene in the film is the main vampire (who is only alluded to as Dracula in a dream sequence) standing over the body of a priest...and then it just ends. What's worse is that I checked IMDB, and...there's a Dracula 3. And...Netflix has it. Apparently the priest (who isn't dead?) and Jason London travel to Europe to follow Dracula. God help me...I just added it to my list. 
Cursed (2005)
In the Beginning: Siblings Jimmy and Ellie get into a car accident, only to be scratched/bitten by some creature as they try to come to the aid of the person in the car that they hit. After that, things start to get a little hairy (heh, heh...see what I did there?).
The Plot Thickens: People begin to mysteriously die around town, as if mauled by a vicious animal, leading Jimmy and Ellie to question whether they are to blame or if there is another mysterious creature in town.
I Know Them!: Quite a few folks in this: Christina Ricci (The Addams Family), Joshua Jackson (Dawson's Creek), Portia de Rossi (Arrested Development), Shannon Elizabeth (American Pie). And, of course, Craig Kilborne and Scott Baio. Oh, yeah, almost forgot...Michael Rosenbaum (Smallville). And Judy Greer (The Village). I had to look those last two people up...I recognized them, but didn't know their names.
Favorite Character: Joanie (played by Judy Greer). Very endearing as a bitch.
Random Trivia: Plagued by production problems and script issues, this film's release was delayed for over a year. When the production was stalled, many cast members were cut, including Illeana Douglas, Heather Langenkamp, Scott Foley, Omar Epps, Robert Forster and Corey Feldman. All of these actors even filmed their scenes which were cut when the movie was re-written and re-shot.
Great Quotes: (Describing the werewolf to the authorities) Jimmy: "About 5 foot 10..." Ellie: "Bony ass, fat thighs, and ugly skin." (the werewolf breaks through a window and gives Ellie the finger).
Curt's Take: Somewhere between "Worth Considering" and "Not a Priority." If you're looking for a Scream-like Wes Craven film (did I mention he directed this?), it kind of falls short (not really a lot of suspects, and doesn't really keep you guessing). However, if looking for a not-the-run-of-the-mill werewolf movie, you might want to check it out. Some tongue-in-cheek moments, some shocking moments. Not bad, not excellent..
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Underworld (2003)The Creatures in Question: A "house" of vampires and a "clan" of werewolves. Or is it a "clan" of vampires and a "pack" of werewolves? I'd actually prefer a "goth" of vampires and a "hullabaloo" of werewolves, but nobody asked me. Regardless, there's a lot of 'em.
In the Beginning: In the midst of a war (calling it a feud would be an understatement) between vampires and werewolves, a female vampire discovers that the werewolves are hunting down a human (for something other than food) and sets out to find out what's up.
The Plot Thickens: Celine, the female vampire, sets out to help the human (Michael), only to became romantically attached to him. And, in typical Romeo and Juliet fashion, he shortly thereafter becomes bitten by a werewolf.
I Know Them!: Kate Beckinsale (Celine) is a name I recognized, but couldn't place what movies I'd seen seen her in. Turns out she was in Van Helsing. Also, Scott Speedman played Michael, and he was also one of the two male leads in TV's Felicity.
Favorite Character: While I pretty much enjoyed this movie, it wasn't because of any compelling characters. The vampires were all kind of portrayed with the same gothic seriousness and intensity that was indistinguishable from one to the next, while the werewolves were all pretty much pushed by frustrated bloodlust.
Random Trivia: The name of the city where the film took place is never mentioned. However, Michael's address can be can see on Selene's computer when she tries to track him down, and it shows that the city is actually Budapest, Hungary.
Great Quotes: Selene: "Lycans are allergic to silver. We have to get the bullets out quickly, or they end up dying on us during questioning." Michael: "What happens to them afterward?" Selene: "We put the bullets back in."
Curt's Take: "Worth Considering" - The first fifteen minutes or so were a confusing mix of action and no dialogue, which made it difficult to puzzle out who was who and what was going on, but I actually (to my surprise) kept up. The story was okay, so not sure what actually keeps this one from just sliding into the obscurity of the "Not a Priority" rating. It might have been the action scenes, which were well choreographed, combined with the art design, in a world that is largely black, white and gray, with intense moments of red (usually either blood or velvet) and blue (usually the eyes of the beasts). On a side note, did find it amusing that in the opening scenes there was some product placement by Bacardi, with their blood-red bat symbol displayed prominently in the subway station.
==========================
Blade: Trinity (2004)The Creatures in Question: Vampires. They're kind of like the mafia in this one. Have their fingers and fangs in businesses all over town. And we can't forget the granddaddy of 'em all, Dracula.
In the Beginning: A flock of vampires awakens Dracula, and then immediately entraps Blade into killing a human. He is caught by the police and confined for questioning.
The Plot Thickens: A gaggle (okay, I'll stop) of vampires attempts to take custody of Blade, just as a splinter group of vampire hunter (the "Nightstalkers") thwarts their plans with a jailbreak. Blade joins the Nightstalkers in trying to hunt down Dracula and end the vampire menace.
I Know Them!: A lot of folks in this one: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson and Ryan Reynolds (Van Wilder, TV's Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place) were the ones I knew coming into this one. I knew the name "Jessica Biel," but couldn't tell you (before) what else she'd been in. Was very surprised to see, however, Dominic Purcell, from TV's underrated John Doe (although he is probably one of the least Dracular Dracula's I've ever seen). And also, Parker Posey, who has been in Best in Show and Scream 3.
Favorite Character: While Ryan Reynolds in a favorite, he didn't rise to the top in this one. Maybe it's just that I love Parker Posey, but her portrayal of Danica Talos was great. Part stuck-up socialite and part raving lunatic vampire, she was the perfect foil to Reynolds.
Random Trivia: One of the television commercials for the film was recalled after one day of airing because it accidentally credited Jessica Biel as Jessica Alba. Also, Ryan Reynolds gained 25 pounds of muscle for his role as Hannibal King.
Great Quotes: Hannibal King: "We call ourselves the Nightstalkers." Blade: "Sounds like a reject from a Saturday morning cartoon." Hannibal King: "Well, we were going to go with the Care Bears, but that was taken."; Danica Talos: "Tell us about Blade, King. What's this weapon he's planning?" Hannibal King: "I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. And two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly."
Curt's Take: "Worth Considering" - I enjoyed the first one, but was really disappointed by Blade 2 (the entire movie seemed like it took place in shadows and I couldn't see much of anything). This one was very entertaining and engaging, and had enough variety in character, tone, and action that it held my interest. The effects were pretty good, and the fight scenes were just interesting to watch. If you're looking for consistent tone, though...this might have too many one-liners for you.
==========================
Dracula 2: The Ascension (2003)The Creatures in Question: Vampires. Well, vampire. Singular for the most part, except a few special cases who don't last long. Newbs.
In the Beginning: Medical students working a morgue (is that even likely?) are brought a mysterious corpse (the freshly killed Dracula from the movie before this, Dracula 2000) and steal it so they can analyze it scientifically, without being harrassed by government agencies who seek to "cover up the truth."
The Plot Thickens: The vampire comes back to un-life, causes a little mayhem, and while it eventually frees itself, it never actually leaves the confines of the drained indoor pool that it was being held captive in. And it never even really reveals itself as Dracula, come to think of it...
I Know Them!: Well, Roy "We're Gonna Have to Get a Bigger Boat" Scheider makes a cameo as the cardinal who advises the vampire hunting priest (who has a pretty small role in the film). Other than that, thought I recognized Jeremy London, but turns out it was his twin brother Jason. Oops.
Favorite Character: Jason London was kind of amusing. Within three seconds of the corpse hitting the slab, he figured it was a vampire because it had been 1) burned alive, 2) while hung by the neck, 3) from a cross, 4) at dawn. He also later taps into the (as it turns out, true) tales of vampires being compulsive counters...that is, if they come across a scattering of seeds on the ground, they will need to stop and count each seed before they can continue on. Well, turns out Drac can pretty much count well into the hundreds of thousands instantaeously. Oops.
Random Trivia: This was a sequel to Dracula 2000, which I'd also seen. I thought the first one was actually kind of original because they explored the origin of Dracula. Turns out Dracula was actually (are you ready for this?) Judas Iscariot, from the Bible. When he betrayed Christ, God cursed him, and Judas hung himself...but that wasn't the end of him. But it did explain his hatred of all things holy, his aversion to silver (the bribe Judas was given), etc. Anyway, was a neat take on a well-known legend. Didn't do much with it in this one, though. Oops.
Great Quotes: Tanya (after having helped steal a corpse from a morgue, as well as 350 pints of blood): "To think I was acing 'Ethical Problems in Modern Medicine' this semester."
Curt's Take: The movie slowly sank from "Not a Priority," to "Don't Bother." The last minute of the film, though, was the final nail in the coffin (see what I did there...it's a vampire movie...and vampires live in...um...yeah). So, it gets my first official "Run in Fear" rating. Seriously...the last scene in the film is the main vampire (who is only alluded to as Dracula in a dream sequence) standing over the body of a priest...and then it just ends. What's worse is that I checked IMDB, and...there's a Dracula 3. And...Netflix has it. Apparently the priest (who isn't dead?) and Jason London travel to Europe to follow Dracula. God help me...I just added it to my list.
==========================
Cursed (2005)The Creatures in Question: Werewolves. Funny thing about them, though...unlike vampires, you never really know who is one until it's too late.
In the Beginning: Siblings Jimmy and Ellie get into a car accident, only to be scratched/bitten by some creature as they try to come to the aid of the person in the car that they hit. After that, things start to get a little hairy (heh, heh...see what I did there?).
The Plot Thickens: People begin to mysteriously die around town, as if mauled by a vicious animal, leading Jimmy and Ellie to question whether they are to blame or if there is another mysterious creature in town.
I Know Them!: Quite a few folks in this: Christina Ricci (The Addams Family), Joshua Jackson (Dawson's Creek), Portia de Rossi (Arrested Development), Shannon Elizabeth (American Pie). And, of course, Craig Kilborne and Scott Baio. Oh, yeah, almost forgot...Michael Rosenbaum (Smallville). And Judy Greer (The Village). I had to look those last two people up...I recognized them, but didn't know their names.
Favorite Character: Joanie (played by Judy Greer). Very endearing as a bitch.
Random Trivia: Plagued by production problems and script issues, this film's release was delayed for over a year. When the production was stalled, many cast members were cut, including Illeana Douglas, Heather Langenkamp, Scott Foley, Omar Epps, Robert Forster and Corey Feldman. All of these actors even filmed their scenes which were cut when the movie was re-written and re-shot.
Great Quotes: (Describing the werewolf to the authorities) Jimmy: "About 5 foot 10..." Ellie: "Bony ass, fat thighs, and ugly skin." (the werewolf breaks through a window and gives Ellie the finger).
Curt's Take: Somewhere between "Worth Considering" and "Not a Priority." If you're looking for a Scream-like Wes Craven film (did I mention he directed this?), it kind of falls short (not really a lot of suspects, and doesn't really keep you guessing). However, if looking for a not-the-run-of-the-mill werewolf movie, you might want to check it out. Some tongue-in-cheek moments, some shocking moments. Not bad, not excellent..
posted by Curt at 9:42 PM
1 Comments:
Wait, the vampires are obsessed with counting? Like "One! One seed on the ground! Muh hah hah! Two! Two seeds on the ground! Muh hah hah!"
Also, my wife went to high school with Judy Greer. It really freaked her out when she was on "Arrested Development" as Kitty, the secretary who flashed everyone.
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