Take 4: Halloween Review
In honor of Halloween, I decided to take the time to review some of the supposedly scarier movies that reside in my Netflix queue. Enjoy!
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In the Beginning: Roughly 10,000 years ago, the Abkani tribe opened a doorway to a realm of evil and darkness...and then realizing this probably wasn't the best idea, closed it. The key that sealed it shut was divided into many parts and scattered to the ends of the earth. Fast forward to today, as these pieces begin to surface...
The Plot Thickens: An evil doctor begins to gather the Abkani artifacts with the help of a group of orphans he experimented on twenty years ago: unsuspecting "sleeper agents" who are ready to slip into killer-zombie-on-speed mode at socially awkward moments. The only thing keeping the evil doctor and his crack squad of killer orphans from unleashing evil and darkness onto the world? Christian Slater and Tara Reid. Now there's a team that just oozes "capable."
Fear Factor: On a scale of 1 to 10, Alone in the Dark gets about a 4. Your main baddies here, other than the aforementioned evil doctor, are "Xenos," strange alien creatures that look like a cross between a reptile and a dog with armor-plating. There seem to be a wide variety of Xenos, from the "galloping on four legs" type to the "I've got a tentacle with a mouth and pointy thing on the end, be careful I'm about to impale your head and eat your brain" type. Apparently electrical equipment goes haywire around them, but this power is disrupted by "elements 76 through 79 on the periodic table." Something, something, silver and gold. See, informational AND entertaining. Then there are the Xeno/human hybrids that don't know they have little Xenos living inside them...these are the orphans I mentioned earlier, experimented on at an early age by the evil doctor. Oh, yeah, Christian Slater was one of these orphans, but he got electrocuted as a kid and the "implant" never bonded completely. Overall, not really that scary...just a bit gory and confusing.
Familiar Faces: You've got three main ones you'll recognize, and I've already mentioned two. Christian Slater plays Edward Carnby, paranormal investigator. Tara Reid plays Aline Cedrac, museum curator and archaelogist. That bears repeating. Museum Curator. Archaelogist. Tara Reid. Okay, recovered yet? Finally, Steven Dorff plays Commander Richard Burke, head of Bureau 713, a branch of the government that investigates the unexplained.
Three Questions You May Find Yourself Asking: 1) I don't care how dangerous the situation is, why would you ever hand Tara Reid a loaded weapon? 2) If these creatures are weakened by daylight, why are you setting up outside their lair at 2am? 3) Did your military training include courses entitled "Let's Split Up: There is No Safety in Numbers" and "Why Walking Backwards Slowly is a Good Tactical Move"?
Random Trivia: According to the Internet Movie Database, the lengthy opening text crawl was added after numerous members of test audiences reported that they were confused by the plot. That was actually one of my thoughts as I watched it...that the "exposition explanation" at the beginning gave away a lot about the movie, and was probably inserted because the story was all over the place.
And I Quote: Cabbie: "You travel light." Edward Carnby: "I carry enough baggage for the both of us."
Curt's Take: Don't Bother - I had become initially interested in this movie because it was supposedly based on the computer game series of the same name. The only thing it really had in common with the game was the name "Edward Carnby": Slater's character's name and the name of a primary character in the computer game. To my disappointment, that's about where the similarities end. What could have been a classic horror story in the style of HP Lovecraft instead turns into a "science gone wrong" tale with plenty of plot loopholes and goofs. Three I picked up on: 1) A military commando checks for a pulse on the body of a fallen comrade...while wearing gloves. 2) A supposedly dead woman starts to get up as the rest of the cast leave the scene. She's not a zombie...the actress just moved a little too early (and the editors didn't catch it). 3) The group is standing on a sandy floor in an underground cavern, dodging a burrowing snakelike creature. They keep running across the sand, trying to keep it from appearing underfoot and biting them...when just several feet away is a large concrete block they could easily step on. Okay, so the last one isn't so much a "goof" as it is "stupidity," but you get the point. Apparently this movie won the "Worst Film of 2005" from the Stinkers Bad Movie Awards. I didn't think it was THAT bad...it was more "Eye-Rolling" Bad, not "Brains Leaking Out My Ears" Bad. In short, just don't waste your time seeing this.
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The Plot Thickens: Karen experiences some strange goings-on her first day on the job (to put it mildly), which leads her to look into the history of the house and the family that used to live there. The rest of the movie varies between following Karen's search for answers and flashbacks from the history of the house, which now haunts her every thought.
Fear Factor: On a scale of 1 to 10, The Grudge gets about a 9. And that's while watching it on my laptop on a plane. If I'd been in a dark room watching on an actual television, it may have gotten a 10. So what's so scary? There's an evil force at work, manifesting itself as several ghostly beings. VERY creepy ghostly beings, I might add. But its really not so much the spectres themselves that freak you out, but rather how they are unveiled on screen. There's a scene where one of the main characters is watching video from a security camera...very grainy black and white footage...and an image starts to form down the long hallway seen on the television monitor. The closer this black silhouette gets to the video camera filming it, lurching and moving unnaturally, the more the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I still get chills thinking about it. And on this topic of fear, there's an interesting special feature included on the DVD, "Under the Skin," that looks at the physiology behind fear responses, and the difference between watching a scary movie and being in the actual scary situation yourself. Pretty nifty.
Familiar Faces: The main one is Sarah Michelle Gellar, who plays Karen, but there were several other folks I didn't know were in this. Bill Pullman, for example, plays a prominent role in the back story of the house. Clea DuVall (from Carnivale) and William Mapother (who also plays Ethan, one of "The Others" from Lost), fill the roles of Jennifer and Matthew, the daughter-in-law and son of the woman Karen comes to watch over. Speaking of whom, the mother is played by Grace Zabriskie, who has had random roles here and there in movies and on television, including that of Laura Palmer's mother in the series Twin Peaks. Jason Behr of the TV series Roswell and Ted Raimi (brother of the director of The Grudge, Sam Raimi) also have small parts.
Three Questions You May Find Yourself Asking: 1) You're not Buffy anymore, so why are you checking out that noise upstairs? 2) Why'd I watch this right before going to bed? 3) How'd they make a sequel out of this?
Random Trivia: Before filming, the cast and crew went through a ceremony where they were blessed so nothing bad could happen to them during filming.
And I Quote: Opening Text: "When someone dies in the grip of a powerful rage... a curse is born. The curse gathers in that place of death. Those who encouter it will be consumed by its fury."
Curt's Take: Must See - Well, if you like good, old-fashioned scary movies, you should see this. In fact, this came damn close to getting a "Buy, Watch, Repeat" rating. Adapted from a Japanese horror film, and with elements similar to The Ring, I got chills at many points during this movie, and really want to watch it again with a group of friends who haven't seen it yet. In today's movies, where knife-weilding psychopaths are the rule, it's nice to see that a movie can be made about ghosts and other-worldly strangeness, and it can still scare the socks off an audience. Good times. One of the other things that makes The Grudge interesting is the number of layers to the story...it doesn't just follow Sarah Michelle Gellar around, but peels back the layers of the mystery surrounding the house she works in, one at a time. And the scares are great...something as simple as a phone or doorbell ringing, set up in the right manner, creates the perfect sense of foreboding. Check it out. I know I plan on seeing the sequel, now, while it's still in theaters!
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In the Beginning: In the midst of dealing with a difficult divorce and custody battle, Dahlia and her daughter Ceci move into a rundown apartment complex on Roosevelt Island in New York City, in an effort to add some stability into their lives.
The Plot Thickens: Within days of moving into their new place, the bedroom ceiling begins to develop a serious (and rather disgusting) leak. Almost simultaneously, Ceci acquires an imaginary friend that happens to share the same name as the little girl who used to live in the apartment above theirs...
Fear Factor: On a scale of 1 to 10, Dark Water gets about a 4. I had expected something a lot creepier, along the lines of The Grudge, but there were very few scary parts. Only one really gave me goosebumps, and I can't completely explain why...you know Ceci is in the bathroom taking a bath, but then you see a small girl in a bathrobe walk past Dahlia while she's in the kitchen. Just sent chills up my spine for some reason. Anyway, yeah...you've got a spirit again...or do you have a figment of a paranoid mom's imagination? A little hard to tell, actually, when everything is said and done.
Familiar Faces: One of my favorite actresses, Jennifer Connelly, plays Dahlia. You've also got Dougray Scott (currently with a role on Desperate Housewives) playing her ex-husband. Other familiar faces in more secondary roles include Tim Roth (of Reservoir Dogs, a great actor) as the lawyer that Dahlia hires, Pete Postlethwaite (of Amistad and Romeo + Juliet) as the building superintendent, John C. Reilly (of Boogie Nights and Chicago) as Mr. Murray, the building manager. and Camryn Manheim (of The Practice) as Ceci's schoolteacher.
Three Questions You May Find Yourself Asking: 1) How long before you avoid the creepy elevator, and just start taking the stairs? 2) Do you always let your six-year-old daughter make your real estate decisions for you? 3) Does renter's insurance cover all this?
Random Trivia: The heartbeat heard during Dahlia's migraines are from an ultrasound scan of the editor's wife, who got pregnant at the beginning of the shooting.
And I Quote: Mr. Murray: "The bathroom's pretty much self-explanatory."
Curt's Take: Not a Priority - It pains me to give Dark Water this rating, because I really wanted to like it, but I was hoping for something a little more spinechilling. The fact that the lead character of Dahlia is of questionable mental stability, although lending uncertainty to everything you are witnessing, does make things get a little old after the second or third dream sequence. Plus, you kind of figure out the "mystery" within the first fifteen minutes of the film. Not that solving it helps matters...the ending does bring a bit of a surprise. I kept waiting for that big scare, though, and it never really came. Or a big twist...such as one of the peripheral characters being much more nefarious than you at first were lead to believe. But no such luck. It's a good film if you're not looking to get frightened...great cast, good acting, decent writing...but failed as a horror movie for me.
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In the Beginning: Guy and Jeanne Cooley move to a sleepy New England town with their two daughters, leaving their city life behind. Guy has been brought there by a local businesswoman to help build and develop a wind-energy farm, while Jeanne hopes to relax and recover from the recent loss of a child in an automobile accident.
The Plot Thickens: The Cooley's meet resistance regarding the land that the windmills are to be built on, both from the townsfolk who see historical significance in the property, and supernatural forces that still roam the New England countryside.
Fear Factor: On a scale of 1 to 10, The Legend of Lucy Keyes gets about a 3. It was really more of a mystery than a horror film, and the ghosts definitely weren't high budget. Sometimes they looked like normal, non-ethereal people, sometimes they looked like your neighbors on Halloween. Meh.
Familiar Faces: Didn't think I was going to recognize anyone from this, but Guy Cooley was played by Justin Theroux, who also played Brenda's next-door neighbor and brief romantic partner in several episodes of Six Feet Under. Also, Jeanne Cooley is played by Julie Delpy, who I recognized from The Three Musketeers as well as from previews of An American Werewolf in Paris (because, surprise, I actually haven't seen it).
Three Questions You May Find Yourself Asking: 1) What's the connection between clam bellies and ghosts? 2) Why does this have the cinematic quality of an after-school special? 3) So...are windmills bad, or...something?
Random Trivia: Don't have much to go on here, but apparently the movie was filmed independently, in rural Massachusetts.
And I Quote: Samantha Porter: "It's just a silly old town legend...it's nothing we have to worry about."
Curt's Take: Don't Bother - This had been added to my rental list because of a "What an Under-Appreciated Film" comment I read on a movie blog somewhere. Have to say, I was pretty damn disappointed. From the get-go, it had the feel of a made-for-TV movie. When I selected "Play" from the DVD menu, it began the movie...but, strangely, played a 30-second clip of the film prior to the actual movie starting. And it was the most tense part of the film (which isn't saying much), as if the makers of the disc were saying "Okay...here's the big climatic scene that the movie you're about to see builds up to. Enjoy!" It just didn't work for me. You could tell from listening to the dialogue that the writer didn't really listen to how people actually speak. Very stilted. And not convinced the acting would have been better with a better script. It just fell short on several fronts...but I guess it was an interesting idea for a story. Just not a lot was done with it.
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Alone in the Dark (2005)
In the Beginning: Roughly 10,000 years ago, the Abkani tribe opened a doorway to a realm of evil and darkness...and then realizing this probably wasn't the best idea, closed it. The key that sealed it shut was divided into many parts and scattered to the ends of the earth. Fast forward to today, as these pieces begin to surface...
The Plot Thickens: An evil doctor begins to gather the Abkani artifacts with the help of a group of orphans he experimented on twenty years ago: unsuspecting "sleeper agents" who are ready to slip into killer-zombie-on-speed mode at socially awkward moments. The only thing keeping the evil doctor and his crack squad of killer orphans from unleashing evil and darkness onto the world? Christian Slater and Tara Reid. Now there's a team that just oozes "capable."
Fear Factor: On a scale of 1 to 10, Alone in the Dark gets about a 4. Your main baddies here, other than the aforementioned evil doctor, are "Xenos," strange alien creatures that look like a cross between a reptile and a dog with armor-plating. There seem to be a wide variety of Xenos, from the "galloping on four legs" type to the "I've got a tentacle with a mouth and pointy thing on the end, be careful I'm about to impale your head and eat your brain" type. Apparently electrical equipment goes haywire around them, but this power is disrupted by "elements 76 through 79 on the periodic table." Something, something, silver and gold. See, informational AND entertaining. Then there are the Xeno/human hybrids that don't know they have little Xenos living inside them...these are the orphans I mentioned earlier, experimented on at an early age by the evil doctor. Oh, yeah, Christian Slater was one of these orphans, but he got electrocuted as a kid and the "implant" never bonded completely. Overall, not really that scary...just a bit gory and confusing.
Familiar Faces: You've got three main ones you'll recognize, and I've already mentioned two. Christian Slater plays Edward Carnby, paranormal investigator. Tara Reid plays Aline Cedrac, museum curator and archaelogist. That bears repeating. Museum Curator. Archaelogist. Tara Reid. Okay, recovered yet? Finally, Steven Dorff plays Commander Richard Burke, head of Bureau 713, a branch of the government that investigates the unexplained.
Three Questions You May Find Yourself Asking: 1) I don't care how dangerous the situation is, why would you ever hand Tara Reid a loaded weapon? 2) If these creatures are weakened by daylight, why are you setting up outside their lair at 2am? 3) Did your military training include courses entitled "Let's Split Up: There is No Safety in Numbers" and "Why Walking Backwards Slowly is a Good Tactical Move"?
Random Trivia: According to the Internet Movie Database, the lengthy opening text crawl was added after numerous members of test audiences reported that they were confused by the plot. That was actually one of my thoughts as I watched it...that the "exposition explanation" at the beginning gave away a lot about the movie, and was probably inserted because the story was all over the place.And I Quote: Cabbie: "You travel light." Edward Carnby: "I carry enough baggage for the both of us."
Curt's Take: Don't Bother - I had become initially interested in this movie because it was supposedly based on the computer game series of the same name. The only thing it really had in common with the game was the name "Edward Carnby": Slater's character's name and the name of a primary character in the computer game. To my disappointment, that's about where the similarities end. What could have been a classic horror story in the style of HP Lovecraft instead turns into a "science gone wrong" tale with plenty of plot loopholes and goofs. Three I picked up on: 1) A military commando checks for a pulse on the body of a fallen comrade...while wearing gloves. 2) A supposedly dead woman starts to get up as the rest of the cast leave the scene. She's not a zombie...the actress just moved a little too early (and the editors didn't catch it). 3) The group is standing on a sandy floor in an underground cavern, dodging a burrowing snakelike creature. They keep running across the sand, trying to keep it from appearing underfoot and biting them...when just several feet away is a large concrete block they could easily step on. Okay, so the last one isn't so much a "goof" as it is "stupidity," but you get the point. Apparently this movie won the "Worst Film of 2005" from the Stinkers Bad Movie Awards. I didn't think it was THAT bad...it was more "Eye-Rolling" Bad, not "Brains Leaking Out My Ears" Bad. In short, just don't waste your time seeing this.
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The Grudge (2004)
In the Beginning: Karen Davis is an exchange student just outside Tokyo, Japan. She works and studies at a health clinic that also provides "at home" care to families. Karen gets her first assignment, helping out a young married couple's mother, a mostly catatonic woman living with them who experiences bouts of dementia. Normally, a different health clinic worker takes care of her, but, strangely, she failed to turn up for work...
The Plot Thickens: Karen experiences some strange goings-on her first day on the job (to put it mildly), which leads her to look into the history of the house and the family that used to live there. The rest of the movie varies between following Karen's search for answers and flashbacks from the history of the house, which now haunts her every thought.
Fear Factor: On a scale of 1 to 10, The Grudge gets about a 9. And that's while watching it on my laptop on a plane. If I'd been in a dark room watching on an actual television, it may have gotten a 10. So what's so scary? There's an evil force at work, manifesting itself as several ghostly beings. VERY creepy ghostly beings, I might add. But its really not so much the spectres themselves that freak you out, but rather how they are unveiled on screen. There's a scene where one of the main characters is watching video from a security camera...very grainy black and white footage...and an image starts to form down the long hallway seen on the television monitor. The closer this black silhouette gets to the video camera filming it, lurching and moving unnaturally, the more the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I still get chills thinking about it. And on this topic of fear, there's an interesting special feature included on the DVD, "Under the Skin," that looks at the physiology behind fear responses, and the difference between watching a scary movie and being in the actual scary situation yourself. Pretty nifty.
Familiar Faces: The main one is Sarah Michelle Gellar, who plays Karen, but there were several other folks I didn't know were in this. Bill Pullman, for example, plays a prominent role in the back story of the house. Clea DuVall (from Carnivale) and William Mapother (who also plays Ethan, one of "The Others" from Lost), fill the roles of Jennifer and Matthew, the daughter-in-law and son of the woman Karen comes to watch over. Speaking of whom, the mother is played by Grace Zabriskie, who has had random roles here and there in movies and on television, including that of Laura Palmer's mother in the series Twin Peaks. Jason Behr of the TV series Roswell and Ted Raimi (brother of the director of The Grudge, Sam Raimi) also have small parts.Three Questions You May Find Yourself Asking: 1) You're not Buffy anymore, so why are you checking out that noise upstairs? 2) Why'd I watch this right before going to bed? 3) How'd they make a sequel out of this?
Random Trivia: Before filming, the cast and crew went through a ceremony where they were blessed so nothing bad could happen to them during filming.
And I Quote: Opening Text: "When someone dies in the grip of a powerful rage... a curse is born. The curse gathers in that place of death. Those who encouter it will be consumed by its fury."
Curt's Take: Must See - Well, if you like good, old-fashioned scary movies, you should see this. In fact, this came damn close to getting a "Buy, Watch, Repeat" rating. Adapted from a Japanese horror film, and with elements similar to The Ring, I got chills at many points during this movie, and really want to watch it again with a group of friends who haven't seen it yet. In today's movies, where knife-weilding psychopaths are the rule, it's nice to see that a movie can be made about ghosts and other-worldly strangeness, and it can still scare the socks off an audience. Good times. One of the other things that makes The Grudge interesting is the number of layers to the story...it doesn't just follow Sarah Michelle Gellar around, but peels back the layers of the mystery surrounding the house she works in, one at a time. And the scares are great...something as simple as a phone or doorbell ringing, set up in the right manner, creates the perfect sense of foreboding. Check it out. I know I plan on seeing the sequel, now, while it's still in theaters!
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Dark Water (2005)
In the Beginning: In the midst of dealing with a difficult divorce and custody battle, Dahlia and her daughter Ceci move into a rundown apartment complex on Roosevelt Island in New York City, in an effort to add some stability into their lives.
The Plot Thickens: Within days of moving into their new place, the bedroom ceiling begins to develop a serious (and rather disgusting) leak. Almost simultaneously, Ceci acquires an imaginary friend that happens to share the same name as the little girl who used to live in the apartment above theirs...
Fear Factor: On a scale of 1 to 10, Dark Water gets about a 4. I had expected something a lot creepier, along the lines of The Grudge, but there were very few scary parts. Only one really gave me goosebumps, and I can't completely explain why...you know Ceci is in the bathroom taking a bath, but then you see a small girl in a bathrobe walk past Dahlia while she's in the kitchen. Just sent chills up my spine for some reason. Anyway, yeah...you've got a spirit again...or do you have a figment of a paranoid mom's imagination? A little hard to tell, actually, when everything is said and done.
Familiar Faces: One of my favorite actresses, Jennifer Connelly, plays Dahlia. You've also got Dougray Scott (currently with a role on Desperate Housewives) playing her ex-husband. Other familiar faces in more secondary roles include Tim Roth (of Reservoir Dogs, a great actor) as the lawyer that Dahlia hires, Pete Postlethwaite (of Amistad and Romeo + Juliet) as the building superintendent, John C. Reilly (of Boogie Nights and Chicago) as Mr. Murray, the building manager. and Camryn Manheim (of The Practice) as Ceci's schoolteacher.
Three Questions You May Find Yourself Asking: 1) How long before you avoid the creepy elevator, and just start taking the stairs? 2) Do you always let your six-year-old daughter make your real estate decisions for you? 3) Does renter's insurance cover all this?Random Trivia: The heartbeat heard during Dahlia's migraines are from an ultrasound scan of the editor's wife, who got pregnant at the beginning of the shooting.
And I Quote: Mr. Murray: "The bathroom's pretty much self-explanatory."
Curt's Take: Not a Priority - It pains me to give Dark Water this rating, because I really wanted to like it, but I was hoping for something a little more spinechilling. The fact that the lead character of Dahlia is of questionable mental stability, although lending uncertainty to everything you are witnessing, does make things get a little old after the second or third dream sequence. Plus, you kind of figure out the "mystery" within the first fifteen minutes of the film. Not that solving it helps matters...the ending does bring a bit of a surprise. I kept waiting for that big scare, though, and it never really came. Or a big twist...such as one of the peripheral characters being much more nefarious than you at first were lead to believe. But no such luck. It's a good film if you're not looking to get frightened...great cast, good acting, decent writing...but failed as a horror movie for me.
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The Legend of Lucy Keyes (2006)
In the Beginning: Guy and Jeanne Cooley move to a sleepy New England town with their two daughters, leaving their city life behind. Guy has been brought there by a local businesswoman to help build and develop a wind-energy farm, while Jeanne hopes to relax and recover from the recent loss of a child in an automobile accident.
The Plot Thickens: The Cooley's meet resistance regarding the land that the windmills are to be built on, both from the townsfolk who see historical significance in the property, and supernatural forces that still roam the New England countryside.
Fear Factor: On a scale of 1 to 10, The Legend of Lucy Keyes gets about a 3. It was really more of a mystery than a horror film, and the ghosts definitely weren't high budget. Sometimes they looked like normal, non-ethereal people, sometimes they looked like your neighbors on Halloween. Meh.
Familiar Faces: Didn't think I was going to recognize anyone from this, but Guy Cooley was played by Justin Theroux, who also played Brenda's next-door neighbor and brief romantic partner in several episodes of Six Feet Under. Also, Jeanne Cooley is played by Julie Delpy, who I recognized from The Three Musketeers as well as from previews of An American Werewolf in Paris (because, surprise, I actually haven't seen it).
Three Questions You May Find Yourself Asking: 1) What's the connection between clam bellies and ghosts? 2) Why does this have the cinematic quality of an after-school special? 3) So...are windmills bad, or...something?
Random Trivia: Don't have much to go on here, but apparently the movie was filmed independently, in rural Massachusetts.And I Quote: Samantha Porter: "It's just a silly old town legend...it's nothing we have to worry about."
Curt's Take: Don't Bother - This had been added to my rental list because of a "What an Under-Appreciated Film" comment I read on a movie blog somewhere. Have to say, I was pretty damn disappointed. From the get-go, it had the feel of a made-for-TV movie. When I selected "Play" from the DVD menu, it began the movie...but, strangely, played a 30-second clip of the film prior to the actual movie starting. And it was the most tense part of the film (which isn't saying much), as if the makers of the disc were saying "Okay...here's the big climatic scene that the movie you're about to see builds up to. Enjoy!" It just didn't work for me. You could tell from listening to the dialogue that the writer didn't really listen to how people actually speak. Very stilted. And not convinced the acting would have been better with a better script. It just fell short on several fronts...but I guess it was an interesting idea for a story. Just not a lot was done with it.
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Next Time on Take 4: Finally, I get to the Battlestar Galactica review. Honest.
posted by Curt at 11:40 PM
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